This is it!  The big show-down!  The final face-off to decide our grand champion winner!

I now present to you in no particular order, the top-two finishers from each round.  They will compete for your votes in one last epic battle to see who will be crowned 2013’s Ugliest Lamp of All! Who will it be?  Start placing your bets now!

(Catch up here if you’ve missed  round one, round two, or round three).

 Are you still with me, soldiers?

Stay strong.

We’ve come this far.

There’s no going back now.

from Sonia H.

We first met Lil’ Miss Mr. in the second round, where he/she managed to squeeze out a small victory as the second-place vote getter.  Let’s leave her alone for now.  Looks like she’s trying to squeeze something else out at the moment.

from Angela C.

Deer in the Dread-lights put his best hoof forward and tap-danced his way into your hearts to score a solid second-place finish in round three. But is he on target to compete against the other terrors of taxidermy in this round?

from Jenny W.

The sheer ugliness of this lamp, (that one commenter so flawlessly described as “medical waste from a liposuction”)  cannot be denied, but will Bacon Barf  fry under the pressure? Or will it step up and smoke the competition like it did in round three? We’ll soon find out!

from Jennie K.

Don’t let his sad little face fool you, Raccoon of Utter Despair is a heartless competitor underneath that mopey gaze. Probably because he literally does not have a heart organ. Or a soul. Or anything beyond a fading will to live.

from Jess M.

The battle was fierce in round one, with Lemon Moody  oh-so-appropriately flipping between first and second place throughout the entire competition. At first he was like “yay!” And then he was all “shucks,” but he’s happy to be here all the same.  Or … not?  You never know with that guy.

from Diane M.

And finally, Owl-coholic awoke from his intoxicated haze to claim victory in the first round.  He attempted a celebratory fist-pump at the news, but could only muster the half-hearted wing-flap you see here, before passing out cold again.

VOTE NOW!

Make some noise ya’ll, it’s time for Round Three!  Are you excited!  And scared?  And a little nauseous?  That’s ok.  That’s what we aim for.

But first, let’s recap yesterday’s round, or should we say BLOODBATH, with Raccoon of Utter Despair rabidly clawing his way to the top.  We’ll be seeing him again in the final round tomorrow for sure.  He’d be busy celebrating if he could stop crying.

But who will he face-off against from Round Three?  Let’s find out right now!

from Amber K.

This dead-eyed Delta Burke came ready to play. Or kill you in your sleep. Her hands gently reach out to claim your soul, as an off-key saxophone softly plays the Designing Women theme-song in the background. You can try to awake from this nightmare, but you never will.

from Andrea H.

Hey, what’s creepier than an heavily-bearded train conductor sharing his lap with a little girl?  Not much.  Besides making a lamp out of it so you can bask in the glow of this scene daily.  (And again with the inexplicable soccer ball!?)  I want to know what he’s pointing at.  On second thought, no, I don’t.

from Lauren O.

This lamp is like a feline version of Paul Revere, racing through the village with a lantern held aloft to warn us of approaching enemies.  “The ugly cat lamps are coming!  The ugly cat lamps are coming!  Oh … wait.”

from Angela C.

Hey, want to join our hobby club?  We make lamps out of dead animals!  It’s great fun.  We meet on Tuesday nights. You’re required to provide your own glue-gun and deer legs. And be a psychopath.

from Jenny W.

If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if you ate a pound of jelly-covered bacon and then threw it back up along with your entire digestive tract, and then sculpted a pendant lamp out of the whole steaming mess, wonder no more!

from Kalpana S.

 Go home E.T.

You’re drunk.

And I want my tart pan back.

Vote Now!

(Having trouble seeing the poll in your tablet or reader?  Click here!)

Oh yes.  It’s here.  It’s HERE!

It’s the moment you’ve waited all year for!  The Ugly Lamp Contest is underway!  Prepare yourself for the onslaught of ugliness that awaits you.  Steel your nerves, gird up your loins, and hug a friend. Your eyes and soul are never going to be the same.

But first, here’s how the whole thing works.  A panel of judges helped me narrow all the entries down to the top 18 ugliest of the ugly.  (THAT was insanely difficult).  Today we vote on the first six contestants, in no particular order.  Same thing tomorrow, with the final group of six on Wednesday.  On Thursday, the top two vote-getters out of the three previous rounds will FACE OFF in a head-to-head battle for the coveted title of Ugliest Lamp of 2013!  Winner will be announced on Friday and receive a $100 gift card of their choice!

And let me just say a big thanks to everyone who submitted their ugly lamps.  It was so hard to choose only 18!  So don’t feel bad if you don’t see your lamp here. We received a lot of similar lamps, for instance, we had very ripe harvest of Raggedy-Ann lamps. I am terrified to learn that so many of those exist. So be assured that we tried our very best to give your eyeballs the most varied selection of ugly possible.

Are you ready?

HA!

You’ll never be ready.

Let it begin.

from Katie S.

 Please approach this first lamp very carefully.  At a ceiling-scraping height of over 4 feet tall, this sinister lamp secretly plans to blind you with larger-than-life ugliness, then topple over and crush you to your death. But the ric-rac is a cute touch.

 from Amy S.

 Like I said, I received many Raggedy Ann lamps.  This one beat out the rest, and bears the scars to prove it.  She’s a little unstable.  Try not to make eye-contact.

from Diane M.

 I’m not trying to ruffle any feathers, but I think this mangy owl thing might have a drinking problem. Doesn’t hurt that he look exactly like Drunk Uncle on SNL.

“Hey, whooo-ooo you calling drunk?  I’m not drrrunk, I’m an optimissst!  Because if the glass is half-full, somebody might as well drink the ressst of it. And that somebody might as well be me.  Hooty hoo!”

from Cynthia

Someone sacrificed a lot of time, popsicles, and All-Bran to craft this popsicle-stick wonder.  But in return, they got an ugly lamp!  And probably diabetes!

from Em H.

  Perfect for that kid who loves soccer balls he can’t kick, and celebrating Halloween all day everyday.

And nightmares.

from Jess M.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

When life gives you a  demon-headed lemon lamp, feel free to punch life in the teeth.

Vote now!

(No need to wait, Round Two and Round Three are already underway!)