Ugly Lamp Contest 2013 – Round 2!

You’re back for more, eh?  I hope you’ve iced down your eyes and fully recovered from the horrors of yesterday.  There’s no clear winner yet, but as of now, Owl-coholic seems to be eeking out the tiniest advantage over Lemon Moody.  If you haven’t checked out Round 1, you can see it here.

And now on to Round 2!

Be brave.

Breathe deep.

You can do it.

Someone hold me.

 By the way, do you have a foot fetish?

from Amanda Z.

 You don’t anymore! The only appropriate place that I can think of to display this lamp would be at a pedicure salon. A pedicure salon that hates customers.

from Sonia H.

Hiiii guys!  Did you know that I’m totally a girl? A cute girl!  I’m totally NOT a boy dressed up as a girl so I can spy on the girls! Haha! That would be creepy! Hey, could you be a dear and tell me if a large swath of my undies are showing?  They are?  PERFECT.

(This lamp is made even more awesomely awful by the fact that Sonia’s friend attempted to give it a makeover.  Shocker alert: it did not end well.)

from Rita F.

I … have no idea what’s going on here. How is this lamp supposed to work?  Does it lay on its side like that?  Are you supposed to mount it to a wall?

Is she napping?  Is she praying?  Is she naked?

Hush now. These are questions the universe does not want answered.

from Erin H.

Whoever owns this monstrous lamp should put it on the mantle of an identical rock-faced fireplace.  And then put another tiny fireplace lamp on its mantle.  And another tinier fireplace lamp on THAT mantle!  And so on and so forth.  Or also, in a dumpster.

from Sarah K.

If you told me you were planning on opening a scrappy-young-jellyfish-from-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks-themed restaurant, I’d first say, “Wow, that’s oddly specific,” and then I’d say “Have I got a light fixture for YOU!”  This one to me is the scariest of all.  All I can imagine is getting tangled up in those tentacles and never breaking free until it digested and absorbed me and I became part of it forever.  *Shivers*

from Jennie K.

Hey Mr. musty old dead raccoon turned into a table lamp and left without a single shred of dignity in this world!  Why the long face?

Umm, you don’t have to answer that. I think I figured it out.

Vote now! 

(If the poll is not showing up on your tablet or reader, click here)