Oh yes. It’s here. It’s HERE!
It’s the moment you’ve waited all year for! The Ugly Lamp Contest is underway! Prepare yourself for the onslaught of ugliness that awaits you. Steel your nerves, gird up your loins, and hug a friend. Your eyes and soul are never going to be the same.
But first, here’s how the whole thing works. A panel of judges helped me narrow all the entries down to the top 18 ugliest of the ugly. (THAT was insanely difficult). Today we vote on the first six contestants, in no particular order. Same thing tomorrow, with the final group of six on Wednesday. On Thursday, the top two vote-getters out of the three previous rounds will FACE OFF in a head-to-head battle for the coveted title of Ugliest Lamp of 2013! Winner will be announced on Friday and receive a $100 gift card of their choice!
And let me just say a big thanks to everyone who submitted their ugly lamps. It was so hard to choose only 18! So don’t feel bad if you don’t see your lamp here. We received a lot of similar lamps, for instance, we had very ripe harvest of Raggedy-Ann lamps. I am terrified to learn that so many of those exist. So be assured that we tried our very best to give your eyeballs the most varied selection of ugly possible.
Are you ready?
HA!
You’ll never be ready.
Let it begin.
from Katie S.
Please approach this first lamp very carefully. At a ceiling-scraping height of over 4 feet tall, this sinister lamp secretly plans to blind you with larger-than-life ugliness, then topple over and crush you to your death. But the ric-rac is a cute touch.
from Amy S.
Like I said, I received many Raggedy Ann lamps. This one beat out the rest, and bears the scars to prove it. She’s a little unstable. Try not to make eye-contact.
from Diane M.
I’m not trying to ruffle any feathers, but I think this mangy owl thing might have a drinking problem. Doesn’t hurt that he look exactly like Drunk Uncle on SNL.
“Hey, whooo-ooo you calling drunk? I’m not drrrunk, I’m an optimissst! Because if the glass is half-full, somebody might as well drink the ressst of it. And that somebody might as well be me. Hooty hoo!”
from Cynthia
Someone sacrificed a lot of time, popsicles, and All-Bran to craft this popsicle-stick wonder. But in return, they got an ugly lamp! And probably diabetes!
from Em H.
Perfect for that kid who loves soccer balls he can’t kick, and celebrating Halloween all day everyday.
And nightmares.
from Jess M.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When life gives you a demon-headed lemon lamp, feel free to punch life in the teeth.
(No need to wait, Round Two and Round Three are already underway!)
51 Comments
Jennifer
August 26, 2013 at 5:51 PMOh my gosh I wouldn’t even want to touch that owl one!! LOL
Toni
August 26, 2013 at 5:52 PMHoly Moley!! And this is only round one. LOL
the cape on the corner
August 26, 2013 at 6:01 PMI can’t believe how difficult that was. why, why are there so many hideous and creepy lamps out there?!
Roxanne
August 26, 2013 at 6:03 PMOMG you were spot on with Drunk Uncle Owl!
“And nightmares.” Hahaha
Thanks for the laugh!
Cara
August 26, 2013 at 6:04 PMThese are great! I mean terrible, it is hard to even choose the worst!
Vel
August 26, 2013 at 6:06 PMSo tough!!!! hahaha!
Sarah | The Cyclist's Wife
August 26, 2013 at 6:13 PMI like Orange Crush!
Lil
August 26, 2013 at 6:18 PMWhy can’t I vote for all of them? They’re all awful, but 3 to 6 raise the horror to an art form!
Hannah
August 26, 2013 at 6:25 PMOMG I actually kind of love the creepy lemon head lamp. Is that weird?
Champagne Lifestyle on a Beer Budget
Ashley@The Houston House
August 26, 2013 at 6:39 PMWOW, just wow! HAHA
Julie
August 26, 2013 at 6:49 PMIt’s so hard to make a decision. Maybe you should have two contests–ugly and creepy!
ANdrea
August 26, 2013 at 6:53 PMLol, i love too the lemon head lamp!! the halloween soccer ball is baaad but the little girl without one eye stopped my heart bits !
Alison
August 26, 2013 at 6:53 PMWow, I won’t even be disappointed if mine didn’t make the top 18. These are beyond awful.
Misty
August 26, 2013 at 7:12 PMThose lamps are all beyond repair, how sad!
Roseann
August 26, 2013 at 7:25 PMI know some midcentury enthusiasts that would kill for orange crush!!
Stacey
August 26, 2013 at 7:30 PMHad no idea Ugly Lamp Contest could be this good!!! Brilliant
Julie @ Being Home
August 26, 2013 at 7:56 PMThat owl one is freaking me out. I want to turn it around so it is not staring at me. Freaky thing. Ya know, it would be funny to put in a guest room, right next to the bed. I would love to see the guest reaction. Ha! 😉
laura
August 26, 2013 at 7:59 PMI wanna know where these people keep these ugly lookin lamps.surely not in their entry ways, right? 6
Rebekah
August 26, 2013 at 8:16 PMOh no! This has the makings of The Ugliest Ugly Lamp Contest EVER!!! I couldn’t even decide which one was worse. I eventually had to just flip a coin!
MUMZY
August 26, 2013 at 8:46 PMOH MY GOODNESS!! How can you pick just one????? These are AWFUL!!!
Marcee ... ILLINOIS
August 26, 2013 at 9:05 PMOhhnooo. Not even funny. Triple ugh. Who in a normal state of mind would ever design??? Scared me to you-know-what. Can you imagine any of these in a precious room with a child? Or pet? NO! NO! Even an adult would have nightmares for months on end.
P.S. Our poochies would bark, yell and scream if they saw any type of statute! Honestly.
Lorena
August 26, 2013 at 9:12 PMThe first one reminds me of something out of Star Trek for some reason. I don’t want to even imagine how much dust is probably embedded in that owl. And I too kind of like the lemon one, in a weird sort of way.
Melvina Kirlew
August 26, 2013 at 9:16 PMAll of the lamps are fugly but I think 2 and 6 are going to give me nightmares!!
Stacy Rae
August 26, 2013 at 9:19 PMDid Halloween come early this year? Beacuse yikes, those are some scary ‘ole lamps! I think that those would still be left in the “free” garage sale box!
Heather Miller
August 26, 2013 at 9:36 PMReally wanted to vote for the owl simply based on your reference to drunk uncle, as he’s one of my favorite SNL characters, but that lemon thing is beyond hideous!! These had me laughing out loud…well mostly your descriptions did! Easton and Piper both asked if I was crying! So funny!
Susan S
August 26, 2013 at 9:57 PMAWWW– I kinda love the two-faced lemon lamp! Granted I’d spray paint the lemon right out of it leaving it a glossy white but with the others, you gotta look really, really, really hard to accept their utter horribleness.
donna giblin
August 26, 2013 at 10:12 PMIt was so hard to pick one!!!!
Nita {ModVintageLife}
August 26, 2013 at 10:22 PMMy gosh they were all so ugly it was hard to choose. I finally went with the lemonhead. I can’t imagine them getting worse but I know they will.
Lois
August 26, 2013 at 10:25 PMI had easily narrowed it down to 3 after that it was super hard. Those are some ugly lamps.
Amy U
August 26, 2013 at 10:42 PMI just can’t fathom the point of the soccer ball jack-o-lantern. What. In the world. Thought for sure it would win due to the pointlessness!
stephbo93
August 26, 2013 at 10:59 PMOh my gosh, people have BROUGHT IT this year! I actually kinda liked the first lamp until I realized how tall it is. 4 feet?!? Really??? Who needs a lamp that tall? The others were all so very close, it was hard to choose, but choose I did. Looking forward to the next round!
Lesley
August 26, 2013 at 11:39 PMWOW now I thought that would have been a finale because those are awful! This is HARD to pick one. They make NO sense what so ever. They are so bizarre!
Tracy
August 26, 2013 at 11:45 PMOMG OMG OMG! The All Bran comment was freakin’ hilarious! Fantastic first round! I have no idea which to vote for – too many horrific choices!
Tracy
August 26, 2013 at 11:49 PMI must admit the potential for millions of dust mites or bugs adds a whole level of horror to the whole owl fiasco!
Rheta
August 27, 2013 at 1:38 AMI wanted to vote for two- the owl and the lemon head. A difficult choice! I don’t think I could sleep with some of those lamps in my house!
Jessica@designerssweetspot.blogspot.com
August 27, 2013 at 2:20 AMThis is hilarious! I cannot believe these lamps! My vote goes to the lemon moon thing, soooo nasty! LOL!
Jen
August 27, 2013 at 3:08 AMOh I’m so excited! This is the best part of my year!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 Bring it on Lindsay!!
Marci
August 27, 2013 at 3:13 AMThere’s a little part of me that wants to take a can of spray paint to Orange Crush and change out the shade. I think it could be salvaged. The rest are beyond hope.
Han
August 27, 2013 at 4:54 AMThat soccer ball looks like Wilson’s evil twin. But I had to go with the owl.
Lindsay O.
August 27, 2013 at 6:26 AMWow. Just wow. Just when you think they can’t get worse than last year… they’ve ALL been beaten with the ugly stick! EW! How does one determine the best of the worst, when each one makes you laugh or gag?
Lindsay O.
August 27, 2013 at 6:28 AMThe lemon one will give me nightmares, but the owl is ugly in a sad way. Poor little owl. It’s not your fault.
Anne@DesignDreams
August 27, 2013 at 2:13 AMI don’t know what I enjoy more, the horrifyingly ugly contestants or your commentary! I am stunned by this week though. Wow. What were the manufacturers thinking? or are they all home made? Creepy, creepy stuff.
kolein
August 27, 2013 at 12:30 PMYour commentary under each photograph makes me roar laughing!!! Thank you!!!!
Angela G
August 27, 2013 at 4:34 PMVery hard to pick so I called in my six kids to help narrow the choice and guess what? Each of them picked a different lamp. Sigh!
Captain Micah
August 27, 2013 at 5:47 PMOh Lindsey. You are beyond funny! Thanks so much for cracking me up already! This years contest is going to be good…
Michelle Sexton
August 27, 2013 at 7:05 PMThe owl lamp is beyond creepy. I wanted to vote for the Popsicle stick one, but I just couldn’t find it in my heart to do it, because some sweet little 8 year old probably worked really hard on that lamp for their mom in art class. But it is horrid. I don’t know what I would do with that, if my kid made it for me. lol
lisa
August 27, 2013 at 9:16 PMthe owl is hideous AND the dust it would collect made me sneeze- ugh
Julie {Lilacs & Longhorns}
August 29, 2013 at 3:12 PMThe first lamp belongs at “The Cozy Cone” motel in the Cars movie. Am I right?!
These are great!!
Rose
August 30, 2013 at 7:19 PMI don’t know, the owl is terrible BUT it seems like such a relic. I bet there’s a bunch of nostalgia in that lamp, like someone took a favorite childhood toy and made it into a piece of useful decor… but it has seen many sad days. I thought it was kind of cute.
I hated the lemon head. I tried to find sculptural value in it but just couldn’t. But that popsicle stick one just looked like it was coated in dust. The fringe was awful and would probably fall apart at a touch. I couldn’t imagine touching that thing. Blech.
Leslie
September 4, 2013 at 6:41 AMI actually OWN the lemon head lamp, except mine is white. It was the weirdest thing I had ever seen, and I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw it, which is my main criterion for buying furnishings. He currently presides over my office. I call him Edgar.
Yeah. There are at least two of these stupid things in existence.
Julie Federico
January 2, 2014 at 9:04 PMThree cheers for the ugly lamp contest. Best idea and funny commentary ever! Take it on the road, Girl! The soccer Halloween confusion did it for me. I could almost understand all of the others. Just couldn’t put the scary soccer ball together in my mind for any reason.