Ladies and gentleman, the culmination of a solid week’s worth of ugly happens right here, right now. You’ve made it this far. Let’s not wait a minute more.
Please put your hands together (in prayer) for our champion, our winner, he who will reign triumphant as the Ugliest Lamp of All, for now and forevermore or at least until next year,
LAMPOCALYPSE!
I was 99% sure from the second this thing popped up in my inbox that he was a winner, (once I stopped crying) and sure enough, he breezed through the competition without batting a dilated eye. He made Lava Clown look like Hello Kitty. None of other the disembodied-head lamps could hold a candle to his ferocious ugliness. (Yes, we had at least four disembodied-head lamps this year. That should be its own category, apparently).
This beauty was discovered and submitted by Irene, who found him at a flea-market and knew right away that he was special. She even supplied us with a 360 view, so we didn’t miss out on one single inch of this eyeball assault.
It just gets creepier the more you look at it.
I tried to make out what the price tag said; here’s a zoomed in picture:
Does that say $295.00? DOES THAT SAY $295.00????? Because it looks like it does.
BARGAIN ALERT.
There is no earthly reason why that could possibly cost so much, but it’s clear from any angle why he won by a landslide.
The final standings were as follows:
- Lampocalypse: 62%
- Lava Clown: 19%
- She-Friend: 7%
- Wishing-Well Hell: 6%
- Suitable Satan: 4%
- Driftwhat? – 2%
My personal favorite was probably Driftwhat simply because I still can’t figure it out. WHAT IS IT? All of the other lamps can be explained, kind of, somewhat, if you tried hard enough. Even Lampocalypse. My mom thinks he was a the product of an angry art student. But not ol’ Driftwhat. We just don’t know. We may never know.
But I do know that it’s time to induct Lampocalypse into the Ugly Lamp Hall of Champions!
*cue the Hall of Champions music*
(I’m not sure what that would actually sound like, so just make it up in your head)
(Oh no, wait, I thought of a song. A Moment Like This, by Kelly Clarkson. Perfect).
Lampocalypse, I shake you firmly by the tiny hand dangling from your throat and invite you to take your place of honor among the luminaries that have come before you. Stand tall sir, you deserve to be here. Enjoy your reign of terror.
Thanks so much to everyone who participated in the contest, either by sending in your ugly lamps, voting, sharing the contest on social media, or for your hilarious comments that kept me refreshing my phone all day. I truly couldn’t do it without you. Congratulations to Irene, you will be receiving a $100 gift card of your choice!
I hope you had fun. Thanks again and remember to keep your eyes peeled for ugly lamps near you. You might just be the one to discover our winner for 2016!
See you next year.
