Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!  The Ugliest Lamp of 2014 has been chosen!

(fanfare, fireworks, confetti cannons, trumpets!)

With a record-breaking 48% of the final votes, in all his nausea-inducing glory, allow me to introduce our champion, our conquering hero, our grand-master of Ugly:

BEEF FEMUR!

Oh yeah.  I knew in my heart that Beef Femur was a winner the second this picture popped up in my inbox.

When Mariah submitted this glorious mummified meat stump to the contest she explained, “My husband works for a pet food company. They make everything from dry food to jerky and everything in between. They also process bones as chew toys. I’m not sure who made the decision to make this particular piece, but at some point someone decided that a good way to display their product was to turn it into a lamp. The lamp is made of a genuine beef femur, complete with dried flesh and liquid smoke, dipped in poly to preserve that recently-dead look. I’d say the bone is about two feet tall. I’m including some close-up shots just in case you really want to look closer. I’d advise against it.”

Well Mariah, you should find whoever it was that made this lamp and shake their hand, because they just helped you win a $100 gift card of your choice!  (Actually, I would avoid talking to that crazy person at all costs).

And now, Beef Femur shall be forever remembered, as he takes his rightful place among the past champions in our Ugly Lamp Hall of Fame.

Alien Matador

Broken Leg Lamp

Demon Skull

Bacon Barf

Beef Femur

Thanks so much to everyone who submitted a lamp.  I always feel bad that I can’t include them all. It’s always a little heartbreaking to weed them down to manageable 18.

I hope you enjoyed the contest! I have to thank everyone who voted and commented too. Your comments are hands-down the very best part of this for me. SO funny!  Someone commented that they weren’t offended by the beef leg, just offended that it had such a boring lampshade. Haha! If you haven’t read through them you should take a minute to do it, they are sure to make you laugh.

What will next year bring?  I’ll need a full year of therapy before I can even begin to wonder.  As for you, be sure to keep a sharp eye out! You may be the one to discover next year’s winner!

Check out all the contestants from 2014 in Round 1, Round 2, Round 3, and the Battle Round.

Here are a the Battle Rounds from previous years too! 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010.