Welcome to the 2014 Ugly Lamp Contest BATTLE ROUND! Today, the top two ugliest lamps (as voted on by you, dear readers) from our three previous rounds will compete in one final face-off before we crown our victor tomorrow! (Check out Round 1, Round 2, and Round 3 to see them all).
Who’s it going to be? Will Beef Femur grind his competition into jerky bits like he did in Round Two, or will it be a dirty fight to the finish? Only one way to find out.
Get your voting finger stretched out and warmed up, troops. The blessed end is near.
Here, in no particular order, are your finalists:
from Dawn
Moose Knuckle Chuckle easily creeped out enough voters to secure himself a solid place in the finals. I feel like I should have added a disclaimer to our pal Moose: If you don’t know what a ‘moose knuckle’ is, you might want to refrain from googling it in the presence of young children or your boss. Maybe I should have just named him Bulgy Wedgie, and left it at that.
from Mariah
Beef Femur pulverized the competition in his round, with an impressive 85% of the vote. Will he send everyone to the slaughterhouse again? Or will he find himself on the chopping block this time? He’s been there before and isn’t keen to go back.
from Patricia
Mikey Mice squeaked out a distant second place behind Beef Femur in Round 2, qualifying them to enter the Battle Round. Will they claw their way to the top, or sink sadly back into second-hand store oblivion? They appear to be devising an evil master plan as we speak.
from Sarah
Satan’s Booger snot-rocketed his way into the top spot, carrying the lead in Round 1. He’s got his game face on. He’s ready to play. Actually, I think that’s just his regular face.
from Michelle
If the Ice Cream Addicts can pull themselves together enough to compete, they may have a chance at slurping up a victory. C’mon, look alive kids, look alive! Look … awake? Sigh. Nevermind.
from Georgia
And lastly, Tacky McMannequin is our final victor from the challenging Round 3. It went back and forth all day, but she finally elbowed her way to the top. A considerable feat, considering she has no elbows. Can she hold her own against the rest, or is she all dressed up with no place to go? (She’ll be all dressed up that is, as soon as she finds her pants. And her butt).
Vote Now!
On a mobile device? See the poll HERE.
Check out the other rounds here: Round 1, Round 2, and Round 3
28 Comments
Anne@DesignDreams
August 21, 2014 at 11:45 AMI’m going to have to spend some time thinking about this one before voting… Nice roundup of uglies!!! and those mice remind me of Dr Evil and his one million dollars pose.
Sarah K
August 21, 2014 at 11:51 AMWhile they are all really ugly, I still think the Boogie Man is the winner!
lisa
August 21, 2014 at 11:51 AMwhere is moose’s other arm?
Jenny B.
August 21, 2014 at 11:54 AMIf Beef Femur wins, he can join his cousin Bacon Barf in the hall of shame, and I’ll be on the hunt for a meat-themed table lamp for the next twelve months. 🙂
Rosie S
August 21, 2014 at 11:56 AMWow, the submitters have outdone themselves this year…usually I can easily pick a ‘winner’…but not this year…..may the worst lamp triumph!!! And ‘a salad in your lap?’…I almost spit out my Coke! Great fun!!
Alexia
August 21, 2014 at 11:56 AMVote now…where? I’m not seeing any links to vote on mobile…
Lindsey @ Better After
August 21, 2014 at 12:53 PMWhoops, forgot about that! Thanks for letting me know, I’ve put it in.
Kristine Mitchell
August 21, 2014 at 11:59 AMThe femur lamp is just gross……not ugly. Yuck!
Cara
August 21, 2014 at 12:28 PMThey are all so ugly it is hard to choose!
Rose
August 21, 2014 at 12:52 PMThere is something weirdly interesting to me about Beef Femur (and I’m a vegetarian!). I think it’s the shape and texture. It’s just so sculptural. If I didn’t find it totally disgusting, I might really like it.
Ann Marie @ Twice Lovely
August 21, 2014 at 1:08 PMOh my. So much horridity! Beef femur almost had me, but in the end, I gave my vote to Satan’s Booger for most creative placement of a green light bulb.
Lakitia
August 21, 2014 at 1:09 PMBeef femur makes me shutter every time I see it. UGH!
Lil
August 21, 2014 at 1:20 PMBeef femur for me. Though Moose Knuckles creeps me out and Satan Booger is, to say the least, creative, the slaughterhouse star has got to be the worst. And it fits right up there with last year’s Bacon Barf…
sarah
August 21, 2014 at 1:27 PMI voted for the ice cream lamp, and although I don’t think it’s the worst I just think it’s hilarious! Kids crawling all over ice cream like ants and waiting at the bottom for the drippings!
Bonnie
August 21, 2014 at 2:53 PMI went ice cream this time. So grotesque.
Hil
August 21, 2014 at 3:35 PMHaha… I’m a vegetarian too, and Beef Femur isn’t my least favorite! You could almost pass it off as some really ugly driftwood.
And I could see using Satan’s Booger as Halloween party decor… for really immature people 😉
Personally, the one I’d least like to have to display in my house is Moose Knuckle Chuckle. Blerg, how did that even come about? It is so creepy!
LeeAnn
August 21, 2014 at 3:45 PMI voted for the beef femur/Crinimal Minds lamp. If that was on my nightstand, I would never again have sweet dreams.
Mandi V.
August 21, 2014 at 6:16 PMBeef femur wins hands down for me, because if you just glance at it wrong one time, it looks at first like a horrifically mutilated phallus. You will now be forever unable to unsee that. You’re welcome.
christine gowing
August 21, 2014 at 7:56 PMThank you for hosting this fun summer event!
I have been looking forward to it for awhile.
The Ugly Lamps didn’t disappoint!!
Kris {Driven by Décor}
August 21, 2014 at 9:26 PMOK – only now do I understand why Moose Knuckle Chuckle is in the finals – I missed that, um, bulge on the first go-round. And you’ve taught me some new lingo – aren’t you proud? 🙂 Love this lamp contest – makes me laugh out loud every year!
beck campbell
August 22, 2014 at 3:48 AMAh maaaaan….Satan booger is falling behind the beef femur. WHERE ARE MY BIBLE BELT SISTERS!!!??? I know what it is…it’s my age…I am old enough to remember The Exorcist and most blogger women are young enough to be offended by red meat…probably a bunch of SoCal girls who wouldn’t appreciate a good steak if it slapped ’em in the face 😉
I’m going to have to get on facebook and start a social media frenzy of all my friends…all 47 of them…you know, all us old woman who hang out on Facebook after we ran off our kids…I think they all went to Instagram and that Twit site.
Lindsey @ Better After
August 22, 2014 at 12:12 PMHahahaha, Beck, you crack me up.
anna_chronistic
August 22, 2014 at 8:29 AMI had to go with Satan’s Booger, though Moose Knuckle Chuckle was a close second. The Booger is both horrifying and funny, while Moose Knuckle Chuckle is just … horrifying.
And is it shameful that I could actually see using the Tacky McMannequin in an over-the-top window display? Tacky as it is, it’s also a hoot (and a warning to me and my nieces about what happens when we go overboard). For fun, just pretend the creator considered Coco Chanel’s mandate about removing one piece of bling before leaving the house, and imagine what she decided NOT to add to this masterpiece! Glitter? Faux rhinestones?
Lindsey @ Better After
August 22, 2014 at 12:11 PMArms?
Gilmer Gal
August 22, 2014 at 8:45 AMI voted for Moose Knuckle, because, really, I hated it and it creeped me out more than the femur and, anyway, I was afraid he’d come after me in my dreams accompanied by the clowns and 600 dolls that show up in my nightmares. Maybe I have appeased him enough that he won’t bother me later. I can only hope – and pray.
lisa
August 22, 2014 at 10:56 AMthe femur is mesmerizing…it seems to say,” Look at me”. I feel I must look again and again.
bonnie
August 22, 2014 at 3:01 PMExcellent contest! Excellent winner! One day you should pit all the winners against each other. At this point, I’d still say Bacon Barf, but it all depends on my mood. Can’t wait for next year already!
pj
August 23, 2014 at 3:18 PMI realize voting is over, but just wanted to applaud your readers for correctly selecting the Beef Femur lamp as the winner of the 2014 Ugly Lamp contest. While some of the other entries were truly horrible, the Beef Femur lamp is distinctly different from any other ugly lamp I’ve seen. It looks as if it was made to be a serious decor piece, what with the base & care to preserve the shreds of meat still attached. Several of the other contenders were very obviously made to be funny or for kids’ rooms. When I saw this year’s winner, I had to check out your past Ugly Lamp winners. I can now confirm that this year’s victor is indeed the most hideous piece of lighting I have ever seen or probably will ever see. Kudos on your extremely humerous commentary, which keeps readers coming back for more! 🙂