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51 In Ugly Lamp Contest

Ugly Lamp Contest: FINAL ROUND!

Oh, I’m scared.  I’m scared for you and your tender eyeballs.  I don’t know if you can handle such a concentrated amount of ugliness all at once. Please, proceed with caution as you cast your vote for the grand prize winner!
In this final round, the top two Ugliest Lamps from each round will go head to head.  Or missing head. Or leg.  Or whatever. The grand prize winner will be announced tomorrow, and will receive a desperately needed $75 gift certificate to LightingDirect.com, courtesy of the swell folks at HomeTalk.com!
But that’s not all!  HomeTalk.com will also be giving away a $100 Target gift card to a Better After reader, or, if we reach over 1,000 entries in the giveaway, they will bump it up to $200! I think you deserve it for bravely witnessing such tragic lamps all week.  So be sure to come back tomorrow for that!

Now brace yourself.  Here are the finalists:

from Caitlin


Pug-ly Lamp was definitely the leader of his pack yesterday, but how will he fare against the other contestants?
from Sarah Jean


Raging Man also garnered many of the votes, but he wasn’t too happy about it.

from Juliette


Zombie Babies couldn’t be reached for comment, as they were busy eating the brains of the innocent.


from “Name Withheld”



A crowd favorite, will Deerly Departed rise to the occasion, or go belly up?






from Brittany

Broken Leg Lamp really kicked its competitors to the curb in Round Two.  Then it had to ice itself.
from Katie


Can Creepy Baby compete against the other humanoid lamps in this round?  He brought his bat.  He’s ready to play.


Ugly Lamp Contest: FINAL ROUND!


 


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September 8, 2011 By
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40 In Ugly Lamp Contest

Ugly Lamp Contest: Round Three

Time for the final round!  
Rounds one and two were unsurprisingly dominated by lamps featuring scary babies and feet.  What treasures will this round hold?  Let’s find out!


 


from Sara-Jean 





“What are YOU LOOKING AT!!??  Get out of here before I BREAK YOUR FACE with my TINY FISTS OF FURY!!!   I will START YOU ON FIRE with my SEETHING GLARE!!!  You are about to experience UNSURPASSED RAGE!  Oh, um, can I borrow a lightbulb?”











 

 



from Lori





I have nothing against penguins, but I can’t think of a single decorating instance where this is OK.  Maybe in an igloo?  No.








 

 



from Caitlin





I … have … no words.  What happened here?  Who gave this the green light?  Someone couldn’t bear to toss their beloved but broken pug statue, so they ran a cord up its bum, screwed in a shade on top, and pretended it just got back from the vet?  











 

 



from Mary Lou 





Join us for the ballet of the century!  The Phantom Dancers who Escort You to Hell: Where the Flowers are Black and the Hearts are Blacker!  Billed as “One of the most depressing things you will ever witness.” Get your tickets today!  











 

 



from Sunny





Hand-carved from the trunk of a cypress tree, this candelabra lit the captain’s quarters of a nefarious pirate ship for many years until it a shipwreck washed it ashore.  At least that’s what they told me when I bought it for six bucks at the swap meet. 











 

 



from Jen





Tree trunks?  Petrified poo piles?  Idol gods of a prehistoric religion?  Overpriced at $10 each?


Maybe, probably, could be and YES.












Ugly Lamps: Round Three


 


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September 7, 2011 By
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32 In Ugly Lamp Contest

Ugly Lamp Contest: Round Two

Ding!  
Time for Round Two! 
 Have your eyes fully recovered from the onslaught of ugliness of Round One?  
Buck up little soldier, because here comes some more:





 from Megan







Though he was able to eventually find work as a table lamp, Clancy never got over the bitter sting of being rejected as a member of the carousel, and spent his days fixing anyone who walked by with an icy glare.





from Brittany







Here’s a new twist on the classic leg lamp.  Cast your vote today!


(I really can’t imagine fumbling around in the dark trying to switch this thing on, hand running up and down the yellowing cast, blurgh!)  


from Juliette







And you thought ONE creepy baby from yesterday was bad?  How about twin zombie babies? They are coming to harvest your soul with the help of their renegade pack of zoo animals and one inappropriately seductive bunny.





from Danielle






Are you a messy crafter?  Here’s a helpful hint!  Try disguising your drips and drops of wood glue by stapling a teddy bear and some fake bees to your project and calling it “honey!”  No one will be the wiser!


from Sara and Stacy







You cannot hot glue pom-pom trim to an apple basket and call it a lampshade.  Well, I guess you can, but you can’t do that and get to call it cute.  But you know what you can call?  The fire department, when this  ill-conceived fire-hazard goes up in flames.


from Michelle







Sure, you may have heard of Thor, God of Thunder, but what about his brother Thornton, God of Protecting Yourself from Eyestrain by Using a Suitable Light Source?  He doesn’t get near enough credit.


Ugly Lamps Round Two


 


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September 6, 2011 By
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44 In Ugly Lamp Contest

Ugly Lamp Contest: Round One

It’s here!  The moment we’ve all been waiting for.
Ugly Lamp Contest, 2011.

Are you ready?
Oh, no.  You’ll never be ready.

Let it begin.

from Peggy

If fear and desperation had a mascot.  And someone made that mascot into a lamp.

 
from Katie

I wasn’t sure this slack-jawed, dead-eyed, nearly naked baby could get any creepier, then I noticed the clown necklace.

 
from Angela

This elegantly understated lamp will add a hint of subtle glamour to any corner of the room!
 
from “Name Withheld”  (yeah, it’s that bad)

“So, gunning me down in the prime of my life wasn’t enough, you had to make a LAMP with my leftover FEET?  Which you topped with a picture of a living deer, a cruel reminder of what I once was and will never be again?!  I’d be flipping you off if I had fingers.”
 
from Daena

Have a house guest who has overstayed their welcome?  You need the Feather Jester!  A surefire guest-repellent, plus you can use it to dust the furniture after they leave!
 
From Marie

What this lamp lacks in attractiveness and style, it makes up for in sheer size, standing nearly four feet tall! Plus there’s tassels!  Lots of … uh … tassels.

Ugly Lamps: Round One


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September 5, 2011 By
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3 In tables/dressers

Bonjour! Also, Konichiwa!

Jesse had intended to give this little French-Provincial table a shabby chic makeover, but decided it needed something more.  So he added some Japanese sakura flowers cut from the pages of vintage books. What a wordy little table this turned out to be!

(By the way, google those old books before you cut them up. I once turned the pages of a $3 Goodwill book into some Valentines for a party and then learned the book was worth $200.  Oopsie!)

See more on his blog Nine Red.













September 3, 2011 By
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8 In desks/hutches/buffets

An Old Anew

I have an old desk very similar to this chest.  Buffet?  Sideboard?  What the heck to you call this thing?  I really should know this by now.  Anyway, I have a desk just like it, with the bubble legs and d-ring dangly pulls (now I’m just making stuff up) and a very chipped and scratched surface.  I haven’t done anything about it, and it’s just been siting in my dining room for so long that I don’t even notice it anymore. I hate that!

This lovely makeover by Ronda might be just the kick in the pants I need. And I’m really diggin’ the color she used. (Smokey Charcoal, in case you were wondering).

Thanks Ronda!  See more on her blog A Journey Through.












September 2, 2011 By
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