Hello and welcome to round two of the Ugly Lamp Contest! If you missed round one, get your buns over there and vote!
I hope you had pleasant dreams last night. I dreamed that a devil clown was beating me with a palm frond while judgmentally monitoring my electricity usage.
By now we know that Lava Clown destroyed the competitors in his round, and presumably will devour their souls next. Haha. That’s not true. Miserable Meter has no soul. As of now, Primate in Pearls and Wishing-Well Hell are having a tug-of-war for a distant second place.
What will today bring? I can only imagine. Maybe this guy can ‘shed’ some ‘light’ on it:
from Tricia
HA! You may be wondering, “Can a solar light shaped like a nattily-dressed cat really be considered an Ugly Lamp?” Well, it lights up and made me snort-choke with genuine out-loud laughter, so I say yes.
If that’s not enough to convince you, just imagine it at night.
It freaks meowt!
Quick, what’s more depressing than a down-on-his-luck old man hobo with nowhere to go and no one to love and not even a pair of old shoes for his wizened old feet?
from Donnah
TWO of them, of course! At least they have each other. And their tiny brooms. And … a book? A large potato? The one one the left still has a glimmer of hope left in his eyes. The one on the right has seen way too much for far too long, man.
You know how on that movie Castaway, when Tom Hank’s character gets stranded on an island and makes a friend out of a volleyball just to have someone to talk to?
from Karen R.
This has got to be the same type of situation. Obviously some desperate woman became stranded somewhere and was forced to use buttons and ferns and lipstick to MacGyver herself a she-friend. A horrifying, nightmarish she-friend. There is literally no other explanation.
I also have no explanation for this:
from Rebecca C.
I have stared at it for ten full minutes and words will not form. What IS it? It’s way too ugly to be driftwood, or anything occurring naturally in nature. No, somebody made this. Somebody made this ON PURPOSE. On the plus side, put it in a room with Beef Femur and I think they would complement each other quite nicely.
You know what I’ve always wanted? I’ve never been able to find one, but I’ve always wanted lamp with like, a giant viking face on it. And the viking is somehow really flamboyant and sensuously pouty at the same time, is possibly not even a viking at all, but maybe a forest fairy king? He also has an orange handlebar mustache.
from Amber R.
Anyway, let me know if you ever see one of those, would ya?
I fear that I scarred many of you for life yesterday, just springing Lava Clown on you like that with no warning, so consider yourselves warned: I’ve got another clown for you.
Sure, those wild eyes and blood-soaked grin may not seem all that bad now …
from Tracy W.
… but imagine him at night.
Vote now!
Keep the party going and come tell me who you voted for in the comments! It’s always such a riot to read.
Can’t see the poll? Click here.
See you tomorrow, with the last round of Ugly Lamps. Trust me when I say you ain’t seen nothing yet.
33 Comments
Beth
August 25, 2015 at 4:39 AMMan, yesterday’s Lava Clown still takes the cake (umm, scary clown from hell…and I’m not even scared of clowns! My sister, though…she would have run screaming from the room and not have slept at all last night!). Today’s choice was a little harder though…Lamps 9, 10 and 11 were running pretty close. It came down to “Which one would I be most horrified to see in my living room?”. She-lamp took the prize for that one!
Sybil
August 25, 2015 at 5:05 AMThat Solar Cat #7 starts out with two different eye colors, like some cats, and then its different colored eyes glow at night, like cats eyes do. Maybe it’s a real cat.
Yeah, REAL CREEPY!!
(And looks like there’s an army of them – you can see more in the photo)
Rosie S
August 25, 2015 at 5:45 AMOh man….#10 is the clear ‘winner’ for me…it kind of goes along with yesterday’s palm frond disaster (which I voted for). They both have that “long dead sea life’ look to them….the palm lamp, I actually thought was a dismembered CRAB carcass at first! And Driftwhat?, today….a decapitated, and de-tailed, seal. Sheesh, maybe I have been watching too many Walking Dead reruns….
Sage @ Plaster & Disaster
August 25, 2015 at 6:12 AMAs usual, I never laugh so hard as when I’m reading my daily dose of Better After.
Question: Is the Driftwhat lamp using an umbrella as a lampshade?
Stephanie
August 25, 2015 at 7:17 AMThis is seriously the best Ugly Lamp Contest yet!
Jenny B.
August 25, 2015 at 7:20 AMWhat’s it called when you’re laughing so hard you’re crying? There’s got to be a word for that. If not, then I think we should start calling it the Ugly Lamp Cry.
Laurie V
August 25, 2015 at 7:53 AMI don’t think #8 is a Hobo, it’s a Hillbilly. Being from Kentucky I know a Hillbilly when I see one. Siting on a barrel, with a shotgun, with no shoes, that’s a Hillbilly. lol
Just Justin
August 25, 2015 at 8:25 AMDrift-what looks inappropriate to me…but I can’t accurately articulate how or why…nor shall I try…
Sandy
August 25, 2015 at 8:34 AMShe-Friend.
The most disturbing part about that lamp is that it looks like it is being used/displayed as a lamp in an actual room; not sitting, for sale, on a thrift store shelf. Really?
Why? Just why?
She-No-Friend-Of-Mine.
Amy
August 25, 2015 at 9:52 AMI forgot how much I love your Ugly Lamp Contest! Seriously, She-Friend….There are no words…..
Elaine Wagg
August 25, 2015 at 10:59 AMI could see the Viking lamp in place where someone doesn’t have very good vision, and everything is a bit blurry w/o Coke Bottle glasses. The colors would blend in well and you’d never know (and by you I am projecting myself in to the future when I’m 80) that it looks at you every day wanting to destroy your village.
Cecily
August 25, 2015 at 11:33 AMI voted for the solar flair for two reasons:
1. The fact that more than one of those were made ( I spot 4 in the picture) and
2. It freaks Meowt made me laugh out loud. I love a good cat pun.
Alexis
August 25, 2015 at 12:23 PMI don’t know, she friend looks like a kiddies art project gone wrong, or maybe something someone cooked up specifically to enter into this contest… (think about that possibility). Whereas the fairy king looks like an actual lamp, that someone actually designed and produced for the purposes of display. Which is way uglier to me than an unfortunate “art” project.
Abbie
August 25, 2015 at 12:56 PMClowns don’t freak me out, but yesterday’s was the clear winner of Round 1. Today, though. . .I can’t decide which one is uglier. Seriously, this entire round deserves an honorable mention, as they are all truly horrendous in their own way. (Should I admit that I kind of liked the monkey and electric meter ones yesterday?) I think that She-Friend may win my vote, but, oh, these are bad. Thanks for cheering/ugly-ing up my week!
CeCe
August 25, 2015 at 1:19 PMNumber nine….although many could win!
Megan
August 25, 2015 at 1:25 PMOMG the clown. The rest are just ugly and make you wonder (the brown backwards J thing?!?!?!) but that clown. No. Just no. He’d be staring at you at night.
June K
August 25, 2015 at 1:30 PMI want the cat lamp! I total want that lamp! He will keep me safe from yesterday’s clown lamp.
Bonnie
August 25, 2015 at 2:04 PMYes, those are not hobos. I see shotguns and jugs of moonshine. (I wasn’t born in Kentucky like the earlier commenter, but my daddy was, and I’ve been there.)
Amy
August 25, 2015 at 3:03 PMOk, I laughed til I cried yesterday and am rolling again today. Where, oh where did these lamps come from??? Like, they actually sat in someone’s living room or bedroom? I mean, I couldn’t even bear one of these babies sitting in a dark cellar or an old attic – WOW! I had to go with #9, with the driftwood/animal bone/whatever lamp taking a close second for me! Thank you for the comic relief!!
Michelle H.
August 25, 2015 at 3:27 PMBefore I even read your description, I had the same exact thought on the driftwood (???????) lamp. Seriously! What is that?!!??!!?!
Sarah
August 25, 2015 at 4:00 PMI actually LOVE the cat lamp! Too, too cute.
Susan
August 25, 2015 at 4:42 PMOMG, the She Lamp is unbelievable!
What worries me is that I LIKE the cat lamp and yesterday, I liked the Monkey Lamp…I think I need an intervention. Both are more funny than ugly, which is what appeals to me. Perhaps I want to start an ugly/fun zoo theme lamp room?
Bee
August 25, 2015 at 5:03 PMHad to vote for the driftwood/cassaba root/random hunk of ceramic shaped like a random hunk of ceramic, but the others were terrible too. I was imagining someone buying the viking face and painting it up all game of thrones.
LeeAnn
August 25, 2015 at 5:07 PMI love this contest!!!
Sandi
August 25, 2015 at 6:59 PMI had no idea there were soooooo many truly hideous lamps out there! Every year, you surprise me yet again!!
suej
August 25, 2015 at 9:51 PMHahahah, you thought those were hobos?…..with little brooms?…..hahahah.
Darlene
August 25, 2015 at 10:15 PMIt would take me weeks…no, months, to write up all the comments for the lamps and none of mine would be remotely funny. Sigh…
Deb
August 25, 2015 at 11:55 PMWell, I loathe cats, but SheFriend is every bad craft thing rolled into one – the kind that never appears here at BetterAfter but is well represented at too many crafting sites. So she gets my vote!!
Julie H
August 26, 2015 at 1:12 AMEvery one of these is so much worse than the next. I’m not sure I can vote for one…..what if the others come after me?!?!!
Robin
August 26, 2015 at 5:17 AMPretty sure #10 is a petrified Orc aorta. Or something.
Cindy in Oklahoma
August 26, 2015 at 6:06 AMThe hillbilly lamp, if it could speak, would tell you that’s not his twin, that’s his cousin brother.
Bets
August 26, 2015 at 4:00 PMHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh my HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
“It freaks meouwt”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You made me spew ginger ale… out my nose… ouch. I had to vote for that one.
xo Bets
JJ
August 26, 2015 at 10:39 PM“It freaks meowt!” l
It doesn’t even matter what else you do on this blog for the next two months. I’ll be reading just because of that line. Baaaaahhhhhaaaaa!