Ok, hold on to your hat. Here they come.
I just had the best idea! It’s a lamp, shaped like an ear of corn! Painted red! What DOESN’T make sense about that?!
Because you just never know when you’re going to need an extra palm tree plate.
Hey hon? I’m missing two queens from my Secrets of the Seventies Jumbo Chess Set. They’re huge? Orangy-speckled? You can’t miss them…
This lamp was the sole possession that great-great-grandma Eustice brought across the Atlantic Ocean. The shade didn’t fare to well on the journey, and neither did she. I don’t know why she couldn’t just ride in the boat like everybody else.
Perhaps no one will notice the cross-eyed cowboy face emerging out of this lamp Mr. Potato Head style, if I just set a pretty shade crookedly on top like so…
Yessiree, this here is a one of a kind find, a relic from the past, procured from the
You are getting sleepy. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You are staring into a swirling vortex of gold and poorly painted flower-like object things. You realize that I am beautiful and artlike. You will display me prominently in your home. Hey wait! No! Not back in the basement on the shelf of things you despise but feel too guilty to get rid of!
Dammit.
43 Comments
Amie
August 5, 2010 at 7:46 PMWow, that was seriously a tough competition. Each one was worst than last.
Michelle
August 5, 2010 at 5:39 PMAm I the only one that thinks #7 is awesome??
Tru@TRU TALES FEATS
August 5, 2010 at 5:52 PMI think most of them have potential, but I just couldn’t envision anything for #7.
Ann Marie @ Twice Lovely
August 5, 2010 at 6:08 PMOh my goodness!! Truly hideous! But your commentaries had me rolling!
Lacey
August 5, 2010 at 6:17 PMI agree with Tru. I was thinking they all had potential until I got to 7. I just don’t know what to think of it! Never seen anything like that before!
Amy
August 5, 2010 at 6:18 PMWow! I love #4 and don’t think it’s ugly at all. But really, cowboy face?
Judy
August 5, 2010 at 6:23 PMvery fun little contest.. My friend has such an ugly lamp that I wanted to submit, but I couldn’t get to her house to take a picture (on the sly, of course).. and I would never be able to let her read your blog again!
Dusa
August 5, 2010 at 6:47 PMYa know, spray a couple of those doggies a solid color and you’d have a lamp worthy of Apartment Therapy cool houses!
Chelsea
August 5, 2010 at 7:03 PMI actually like #1. I know, it’s really corny (haha, yeah, bad joke) but I guess the combo of the bright red and the corn figure just brings out the inner Nebraska Cornhusker in me. The owner could probably sell it on ebay and get a good price for it if they marketed it to Cornhusker fans. Seriously. It’s nothing compared to the cornhead hats people wear to games. 🙂
Melanie
August 5, 2010 at 7:23 PMWow! I don’t even know if there is the possibility that these lamps could ever be “Afters” : ) I voted for the corn lamp- it just bothers me!
Rachel
August 5, 2010 at 7:32 PMI agree, most of them just needs a little coat of spray paint. The best is the cross eyed cowboy topped with a “fancy” shade. Awesome.
The Queen Bee
August 5, 2010 at 7:50 PMIs it really bad form to think some of those were cool? I live in Illinois the corn lamp would be a collectors item!
Wes and Dani
August 5, 2010 at 7:55 PMHaha #1 I actually quite liked, and I’ve been looking for something like #3 for awhile haha. 🙂
As for the rest, wow, wow, wow, wow, and wow.
Great contest. For this section I have to say that #5 is the most hideous.
Monkey Momma
August 5, 2010 at 8:42 PMOMG. I’m speechless. That seriously never happens.
allison
August 5, 2010 at 8:49 PMThanks for the laugh today! Those lamps are amazing. I just kept thinking about the people who were responsible for making such creations and wondering what they must have been thinking at the time.
Thoughtfully blended hearts
August 5, 2010 at 9:05 PMHow in the world could you pick the ugliest!!! I think they all qualify for ugliest…but the cowboy would be the scariest!!! No…maybe the red ear of corn…
Sue Richardson
August 5, 2010 at 9:29 PMYour commentary at the end of each lamp is funnier than the lamps. you should be a comedy writer! And hey, I actually like Grandma’s lamp.
Lindy
August 5, 2010 at 10:02 PMVery funny — you and the lamps! I think I gagged a little at the cowboy lamp!
Brit
August 5, 2010 at 10:08 PMSheesh! if this is just the beginning I can’t wait for the next batch!
LuRegini
August 5, 2010 at 10:35 PMpotential? number 2. no paint would change the fact that that is a plate… unless you get rid of the lamp and kept the plate…
NanaDiana
August 5, 2010 at 11:39 PMLOL- I don’t know what is funnier-the lamps or the comments! Ok..Michelle-I do think you are the only one that thinks #7 is awesome. I mean…I read all the other reviews…and, well, you know, no one said they thought #7 was awesome…I’m just sayin…..
I think each one deserves an ugly catagory of it’s own…oh..yeah…that palm plate? yeah…I used to have one of those
!>) Diana
Rachel
August 6, 2010 at 12:25 AMI vote for number 1! What can I say, I’m a cornhusker through and through. GO BIG RED! 😉
Momma Button
August 6, 2010 at 12:28 AM(gasp) they are, um, different. But my vote goes to #7. I can’t think of a thing to make that one better, unless you spray paint the entire thing……
Life in Rehab
August 6, 2010 at 1:03 AMI’m voting for number 7. I could even envision the cowboy lamp in a 4 year old’s room, but when I got to 7, I threw up a little in my mouth.
Anne-Marie (10 Rooms)
August 6, 2010 at 1:36 AMI actually like number 3, a little spray paint.. but number five is one of the ugliest lamps I’ve ever seen.. what was this person thinking, exactly? was that a ceramics course gone bad?
Anne-Marie (10 Rooms)
August 6, 2010 at 1:36 AMI actually like number 3, a little spray paint.. but number five is one of the ugliest lamps I’ve ever seen.. what was this person thinking, exactly? was that a ceramics course gone bad?
Anne-Marie (10 Rooms)
August 6, 2010 at 1:36 AMI actually like number 3, a little spray paint.. but number five is one of the ugliest lamps I’ve ever seen.. what was this person thinking, exactly? was that a ceramics course gone bad?
Holly
August 6, 2010 at 3:40 AMTo the owner of Lamp #4: Can I please have your lamp?? I seriously love it!!!
I voted for #6 & #7 – they are most definitely the most ugly of them all. Can’t wait to see more 🙂
Shauna_Rae
August 6, 2010 at 4:34 AM7
ALTERED ARTIFACTS
August 6, 2010 at 5:55 AMThese are certainly ugly! My vote is for #7. I did misunderstand this contest though… I thought it was a before and after for an ugly lamp… so please disregard my entry 🙂
Thanks
Inka
allison tait
August 6, 2010 at 1:30 PMI was all over the palm tree and the cross-eyed cowboy until I beheld the magnificence of number 7. I’m blinded by its brilliance. Or something.
Sarah @ The Ugly Duckling House
August 6, 2010 at 2:19 PMSo far, number seven number seven number seven!
Lori
August 6, 2010 at 2:53 PMI like #4, I think it’s pretty. I also think the corn lamp could work in a whimsical retro way. But the cow boy lamp – blech.
ethelmaepotter!
August 6, 2010 at 3:54 PMThye got uglier as you went along! I vote for #7, your “swirling vortex of gold and poorly painted flower-like object things.” That thing is, as my mother used to say, “ugly as homemade sin.”
Yeah, I don’t know what that means, either.
Stopping by from Gone Walkabout.
ethelmaepotter!
August 6, 2010 at 3:58 PMForgot to add that I’ve seen the corn lamp on EBay before. I collect corn things, and the “cornier” the better! I would actually have bought the thing, were it not for the red color and the fact that the shipping made the cost prohibitive!
And it would have been brought out only once a year, for my annual summer CornFest. The remainder of the year? Tucked away safely in the basement behind layers of bubble wrap, completely unidentifiable, so as to mask my extremely bad taste!
Devin & Ruthann
August 6, 2010 at 5:20 PMNumber 4 isn’t even ugly!
Devin & Ruthann
August 6, 2010 at 5:20 PMNumber 4 isn’t even ugly!
Devin & Ruthann
August 6, 2010 at 5:20 PMNumber 4 isn’t even ugly!
Janni
August 6, 2010 at 7:38 PMI’m loving this contest. My vote is for #5. I just can’t get past that face topped by that decorative shade.
Mary
August 6, 2010 at 10:34 PMOMG! You crack me up!
BeachCoveJewelry
August 7, 2010 at 2:37 AMomg I cant decide between 5 & 7, the face alone on 5 could give me nightmares, reminds me of an Indiana Jones potato head….
But I think 7 is the worst, that is not fixable
Kristi @ Addicted 2 Decorating
August 7, 2010 at 7:33 PMI actually love #3. I’d buy those in a heartbeat if I came across them in a thrift store. Love the shape, and with a shiny coat of paint, they’d be very modern lamps!!
WonderPixxie
July 24, 2013 at 4:56 AMNumber 7 lamp looks an awful lot like a lamp that has been in my family for eons! I want to know who made them, and what they are! Mine has the same patterns and swirls, but it is a lovely tall urn, and not the ball of wacko this one is. The gold on the lamp is 22K. Mine is marked with that.