Congratulations to our 2012 Ugly Lamp Contest Champion, Numb Skull, submitted by Sherry!  

Numb Skull dominated his round and came out on top in the finals with 38% of the total votes, though not without controversy.  Some voters insisted that this orb of evil was actually quite cool and probably something that a teenage boy would enjoy.  This is why I don’t allow teenage boys to make any of my decor decisions.

In any case, he has been officially crowned the ugliest lamp of all, and for that Shelly has earned herself a $100 Target gift card.  Hooray! 

Thank you so much for playing along, everyone. I hope you enjoy the contest as much as I do.  Your comments were seriously killing me!  And keep on the lookout for any ugly lamps that cross your path. Who knows, you might just find 2013’s big winner!

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the final round!  Today the top two winners from each round will battle head-to-head … or fist … or whatever … for the distinction and infamy that come with being crowned the 2012 Ugliest Lamp! 

Yesterday’s round was a fight to the finish, with Whittled Fist and Mr. Pretty Kitty edging out a win.  There were no clear favorites, although Lil’ Lush did get the fewest votes, with only 1%.  You guys and your passionate love of sculptural lamps, geez.

Lacy Lady plans to intimidate the competition with her icy stare.  If that doesn’t work, Plan B is to smother them in lace.

Welcome to Round III of the Ugly Lamp Contest!  How did your favorite (or least favorite) fare in yesterday’s round?   My vote went to Numb Skull, who was a winner by a mile, with 49% of the votes. African’t came in a distant second with 19%.  Strangely enough, many of you fell in love with  Randall, God of Lighting and even suggested that his owner auction him off! 

But now, let’s get down to business.  It’s time to gear up for Round III. Steel your nerves, put on your serious face, perhaps find a small stuffed animal to snuggle for comfort.

Me-oww!  Mr. Pretty Kitty is all dressed up, and just needs somewhere to go! He’s perfect for any room.  Put him in the living room, dining room, bathroom, or anywhere you want a glowing cat incessantly staring at you. Take him home today!  No, seriously, take him home.

Back in my day, we didn’t have any so-called “Like” buttons on the “Facebooks” or whatever it is you whippersnappers fiddle around with.  No, if we wanted give someone a thumbs-up, why, we did it the old-fashioned way.  We whittled them a fist!  

This eco-friendly lamp is serious about conserving the earth and using our natural resources wisely.

That’s why it’s made from a  cow crap.

This little guy has a very similar look to the aforementioned God of Lighting, but I don’t see anyone rushing to coat him in copper with a blue patina wash and put him in the garden.  Sorry, kiddo.  It’s just that Randall had those abs.  And you have … an underage drinking problem.

You’re back for more, eh?  You glutton for self-punishment, you!  Yesterday’s round was a close race between Lacy Lady and Life-size Lovers, with Hobo in a Box coming in a near third.   I was actually quite shocked to see that Ghostly Prayers had the least amount of votes, as that one continues to terrify me daily.

Surely, surely there are better ways to celebrate one’s African heritage than with this tacky set of table lamps.  According to my understanding, the hat on the gentleman is a kufi cap, commonly worn by men of all religions in West Africa.  According to common sense, nobody over there is wearing a lampshade. 

Psst.  You there.  Yes you.  You seem a little lonely.  Perhaps you are in need of some … illumination.  Nothing will light up your life quite like this Seductively Lounging Gladiator Lamp.  What is wrong with his shield, you say?  Why does this exist at all?  Shh, darling.  These are questions the universe does not want answered.

Kids giving you a hard time at bedtime?  Let these black-hearted bears do your dirty work for you.  Your children will be too terrified to leave their beds under the malevolent glares of the father/son tag-team.  I hear there used to be a momma bear, but I’m pretty sure this sadistic duo ate her.

Before we commence with the terror, let me fill you in a little on how this thing works.  There are eighteen contestants total.  We will have three rounds of voting: six lamps per day.  Thursday, the top two vote-getters from each round will compete in the final round.  The winner will be announced on Friday and receive a $100 Target Giftcard!

It was SO HARD to narrow down the contestants.  I received so many ugly lamp submissions I think I’m suffering from PTULED. (Post-traumatic ugly lamp exposure disorder).  By the end of the week, you’ll probably have it too.  I had to rule out a few that were too similar to last year’s contestants, and I received a lot of nearly identical ugly lamps (horrifyingly true), but rest assured, I have hand-picked the ugliest of the ugly for your viewing pleasure.

Perch this subtly sinister clown on your nightstand if you want the opposite of a good night’s sleep. I don’t know what his little clarinet is for, but I suspect it’s used to gently lure your soul down into the depths of Clown Hell as you sleep.

from Sarah

If you ever start feeling bad about life, just flick on ol’ Gloomy-Hobo-in-a-Box.  Ain’t nobody got it bad as he does. He’s a hobo, for one.  In a box.  And his only friends are birds.  Dead ones.

Vote now!