Story Time – Part Three

Welcome back to the third (possibly final?) chapter of my story. Start at the beginning here, and don’t miss part two, filled with drama, bitterness, one swear word, and more!

Where were we …

Despite life sucking the life out of me and leaving me a half-functioning shell of my former self, I decided hey, why not venture into the world of online dating? It didn’t seem like a great idea, but I was fresh out of great ideas. Truthfully though, like I said yesterday, I felt really compelled to download a particular app and give it a shot. What’s the worst that could happen? I wake up in a bathtub filled with ice missing my kidneys? Fine. I could use an ice bath anyway, it’s hot here.

I matched with this cute Cannon guy who was brand new to Phoenix. We casually texted for a little while, and he seemed like a normal human person who probably wouldn’t kidnap me and sell my organs on the dark web, so we arranged a real-life date. I asked him at this point for all of his info so I could make sure he wasn’t wanted for murder in 17 states. He said, ‘nope only 15,’ so it was a go!

I chose the date, a moonlight hike in the mountains a couple miles from my house. I gave him a convenient meeting point address that was … about 20 miles away. For safety. Can’t let some internet weirdo know what town I live in, you know? Also, it sounds romantic, but there were literally 500 people on the same hike. SAFETY!

Everything went pretty well … conversation was nice, he seemed really smart, he pretended not to be too scared off when I passionately launched into a detailed rundown of my favorite conspiracy theories. “Do you think Beyonce is a victim of MK-Ultra?? Of course she is. What are your thoughts on Pizzagate??” (GREAT topic for lightweight first date banter, by the way, can’t recommend it enough).

It was a pleasant time, but I can’t exactly say sparks were flying. He was recently divorced and very new to the dating scene and kind of came off like … a co-worker? Slightly distant, very professional. Not flirty or touchy in the slightest. Not that I wanted to be groped or anything haha, obviously, but maybe an arm brush or two would have been nice? A pat on the back? A firm handshake? I left the date wondering if he liked me at all, even though the evening had flowed really easily and we seemed to have a lot of common ground. Was it the Beyonce thing? Dammit Lindsey, it was definitely the Beyonce thing.

Two weeks later, I knew without a doubt that he was my future husband.

TO BE CONTINUED

Kidding! Just kidding! Keep reading …

We went out again, and then again, until we were seeing each other every single day. I even eventually told him where I lived! We had so much in common that bonded us immediately. We were raised in really similar LDS households where we were the oldest child, we both had four kids: three boys and a girl, and our kids ages even lined up almost exactly. We had both come out of long marriages that could best be described as … a trial (to leave a LOT out of the story and put it REALLY nicely), we liked all the same music (that seems like a really inconsequential tidbit, but I was surprised to see how great it was to not silently grit my teeth in mental musical agony) and then there was the whole aspect of work too.

Remember how part of his job is overseeing remodeling projects? I kinda knew he was a keeper on our first date, because he got really excited talking about faucets. Haha, but seriously. For a while he would text me pictures of his renovations and ask my opinions, which was basically the equivalent of sexting me. (Sorry mom these are jokes). ‘Yes baby, show me that tiled fireplace, you know what I like.’

Beyond our commonalities, there was just something so calming and comforting and solid about him, something that felt like coming home. I had been having these gross spells of anxiety every single day, for so long that they felt like old friends, old stupid friends that stay over uninvited and fart on your futon and won’t leave your house, but they stopped after I met him. Just disappeared one day. Oh my gosh, I could finally breathe again.

Then, we both had some really, really personal, confirming experiences that could have only come from a higher power. I know exactly when and where mine happened; it hit me like a bullet in the chest, and when it did, I just started laughing and LAUGHING. (Is nonstop laughter an appropriate reaction to feeling feelings? Help I am not sure). It was a feeling that I don’t know how or even want to try to put into words. But I just knew. I don’t think Cannon knew quite yet at that point. (It was literally two weeks after our first date). But I did.

That was around the end of July. By the end of September we were married. And now please call an ambulance because I am currently typing this from a bathtub filled with ice I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

Kidding kidding. So far everything has been so so very good. Um, why didn’t you tell me sooner that a relationship could be like this?? Pshh, rude.

Well kids, that’s it for now. I’ll wrap this up tomorrow, with a little more about our elopement, so come on back if you’re into that. And thanks so much for all the kind and loving comments you’ve shared here and on Facebook, it really means SO much to me. I wish I could hug you all right in your cute cute face.