Who’s there? It’s me. Hi!
I just wanted to check in. It’s been … a while. You may be surprised to learn that it’s somewhat difficult to maintain a regular blogging schedule while managing eight kids, a new marriage, and a full-time job, weird huh?
But I was a little shocked when I realized I hadn’t posted since April, even though, to refresh your memory, that post SET THE WORLD ON FIRE. (It didn’t, but it did change several people’s minds about how they should be drying their sheets, so … basically same thing).
Have you tried it yet? My secret method for drying sheets that will change your life forever? Not an exaggeration. People have included me in their wills for sharing this secret. (Slight exaggeration.)
So let’s catch up. What’s new with you? How are the kids? How’s your mom? How’s that thing on your foot?
Things are CRaZy here, my friends. We survived summer somehow, I’m not sure exactly how because it went by in a blur and now everyone is trying to tell me it’s August? LOL.
Oh no wait, it is halfway through August.
Oh no wait, I wrote that a week ago and then had to stop and finally started again and now it’s August 22nd.
Me again. It is now August 23rd. Sigh.
So the kids are all back in school, which means we have two 17-year-olds starting their senior year, and two kindergarteners starting school for the first time. Not crazy enough? The rest are in 8th, 7th, 5th, and 4th grade, which gives us six kids attending the same school since our elementary school is K-8. Do you know how many recorder concerts I will be attending this year? More than you, unless you are perhaps a middle school music teacher. I can already hear the delicate strains of ‘Hot Cross Buns’ floating across the cafetorium now.
We are getting more and more in the groove of this blended-family business, but very much still figuring things out. With the kids all so close in age, it’s almost like having four sets of twins. Most of the time that’s a good thing and they seem to genuinely get along, but most of the time I am also standing motionless in the darkened pantry silently eating handfuls of chocolate chips before they find me. KIDDING, I am not! Only sometimes! I am definitely not in here right now!
As far as the house goes, it hasn’t really gone anywhere yet. We are more in chaos-control mode than fix-up-the-house-cute mode. Truthfully, it is a bit of a bummer for me, so I’m trying to find projects that I can complete when I have an hour or two and a spurt of energy. I’m also working on a couple fun unrelated projects I plan to share soon. So put your excited pants on for that.
And now here are some FAQs that no one is asking me but I am pretending they did:
Is everything ok?? (Actually people really do ask me this one a lot, especially when I drop off the radar for a while. You guys are so sweet. Thanks for checking in on me, seriously.)
And yes!! Things are really great. Life is crazy, but good crazy now. So good. Good n’ Crazy. I’m making that into a bumper sticker for the 12 passenger van we still need to buy.
Will this blog ever be the same?
I … don’t think so. I still love before and afters with all my heart, but after 10 years of writing this blog, I just don’t have the burning desire (or time) for delivering regular content on the topic. However! I still love writing for you my friend, so even though I may not be blogging about makeovers, nor as frequently as in the past, I truly do want to keep it up, in whatever form or topics it takes on from here. I’d really love to hear your input and thoughts on that.
The sheet thing. It sounds weird. Does it really work?
YES! Try it. You won’t regret it.
What are your best tips for blended families?
Well I’ve been at it for eight whole months, so don’t look at me. Give me YOUR tips, blended family folks! What is your best advice if you grew up in a blended family, or have been navigating one for at least … nine months haha. I’d love to make that into an upcoming post.
Alright, that’s all I have for now. And it is still August 23rd, how do you like that. Thanks for hanging with me. Say hi to your mom.
25 Comments
Janet
August 23, 2019 at 3:13 PMAlways happy to see a post from you, even without a makeover in sight! Your posts have always brought some sunshine and I am delighted to know you are happy (if a bit crazy with kid stuff đ)! You’ve got this!
Denise
August 23, 2019 at 5:20 PMLOL Iâm patting myself on the back for reaching out and getting an answer! Seriously, unfortunately Iâm one of those who goes down the negative path (things are horribly wrong) than the positive path (this is my wonderful chaotic life with nine, 9, other human beings to take care of). Havenât any experience or tips for blended families. Iâd say your blog can go from âBeterafter Furniture/Roomsâ to âBetterblended Familiesâ, figuring it out one day at a time, sometimes successfully.
Best of luck whichever direction you choose.
Bets
August 23, 2019 at 5:39 PMI was JUST thinking about you this morning. How weird is that? I’m glad you popped your head up for a minute. I can’t imagine how crazy life must be with 8 school-aged children. ACK! I’m suffering from scheduling-anxiety just thinking about it. I have three kids (one is actually an adult and one is heading to college in a week, so they don’t even really count, but I count them anyway) and I have their activities color coded on my computer calendar AND the family calendar. What would I do with EIGHT children’s schedules? There aren’t enough colors!!! Someone would have to be yellow, and they would always be missing their ortho appointments and swim practice because yellow doesn’t show up that well on either calendar. And I would have to explain to their teacher why they missed the science fair, “I’m sorry Mr. Snootybottom, Harry missed the fair because he is the Yellow child.” And Mr. Snootybottom would call DCFS on me in a hot minute.
So yeah, I’ve missed your posts.
xoxo
Bets
P.S. I’m really glad you’re doing well.
Corrie
August 23, 2019 at 6:32 PMYay! Glad to hear from you. Blog about WHATEVER you want to–it so doesn’t have to be before-and-afters! I bet a ton of us (like me) were really reading your blog for your wit and general sense of fun. Just sayin’.
Just Justin
August 24, 2019 at 6:20 AMHey, gurrrrlll! Wassupwitchu? Honestly, I came to your blog because of how funny you were…not just because of the bna’s. I told my friend about your blog and after 15 minutes of me convincing her that it wasn’t secretly my blog, she said, “SHE’S YOUR LONG LOST SISTER!” đđđ (We have almost the exact same sense of humor). I know you can’t tell tone in written communication, but it is clear that you’re in a very good season of your life. Praise God!
LeeAnn
August 24, 2019 at 2:03 PMSo glad you blogged again. I do love your hilarious stories as they always brighten my day. I’m glad you’re in a better place now as well. It may be hectic, but I’m sure it’s never dull. â„ïž
Tonya Gleave
August 24, 2019 at 3:56 PMđ€đ€đ€ I am so, so, so glad you are wonderfully happy, and getting this blended family working so well. They are all awesome kids. I love to read ANYTHING you post about!!!
Mary Ann E.
August 24, 2019 at 6:39 PMDitto! I just enjoy hearing from you â knowing Iâll love whatever you write. (Have you thought about writing a book? Or a screenplay?
A
August 25, 2019 at 2:48 AMI will read whatever you have time to tell us, lady. My kids smell the chocolate on me after secret pantry assignments.
Susan
August 26, 2019 at 5:37 PMYou can write what ever you want and the blog name “better after” still fits. You’re just good at writing and hilarious and should keep doing it. Please keep doing it. I don’t care if there is never another before and after pic. I always was more interested in the words that went with the images than the images themselves . The blog world still needs a voice as unique as yours is. Plus, doesn’t a giant blended family give you loads of material to write about on the daily? Only advice after living with a person who is NOT the parent of my 3 boys. Be careful about trying to parent those kids who aren’t yours. I know that’s hard. But at this point the kids of your spouse have a mom, your kids have a dad, and the kids can grow to resent the non biological “parent” quickly and easily. Just make clear that everyone knows what the boundaries are. And if you are not sure, get a therapist who can help you navigate this. The honey moon phase can last a long time because kids don’t want to rock the boat. Doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling. Had to learn that the very hard way.
Keep writing. We are all still here
Lindsey @ Better After
September 3, 2019 at 2:43 PMThank you so much for your kind words Susan. Hearing that really meant a lot to me. and also thank you for the great advice too, I will take it to heart. This stepmom business is a tricky world to navigate for sure.
sweetfe
August 30, 2019 at 3:29 PMHI. I enjoy your before and afters and I have been enjoying your HEA. I think it is wonderful.
My family was an early adopter of the blended family. I assure you there were challenges. Some of the best things my folks did was rotate house chores on a weekly basis for all of us. As an example, one week was dishes, one week was bathroom cleaning, one week was yard work, and one week of dusting and vacuuming the main living space, and one week of helping prepare dinner. The idea being that we would be able to take care of ourselves as adults and to ease the burden of a full house.
The second thing was an allowance. At the time it was six dollars a week, but I think you would need to provide more on a weekly basis (cost of living increase.) My step-father told me that this was a genius move on their part. We all got allowance, then were responsible for paying for our own entrance to movies or other family activities. We bought our own candy. If someone wanted a particular toy they would need to save their allowance. The folks said this cut down on the “can I have’s…” while shopping and saved them a lot of money while also teaching us about money management.
We also had sit down dinner M-F. The only excuse for not attending was an official sport or whatever. My step-dad did word of the day at dinner. He would give us a new vocabulary word and then explain it then each child told about their day.
There was a no hitting rule. It was absolute. It worked 98% of the time. I don’t recall the punishment for violating this law.
We did bi-monthly family excursions. Either movies or visiting a museum or water park, Zoo, Aquarium or what have you. We did a round of all the museums (Art, Auto, Wax, Children’s, Natural History & Science, Science & Tech, History, Botanical Garden) to determine what we liked and often after that the kids voted for their favorites. Also if there was something special happening in town like a car show (big car family) or something similar. Or a visit to the park or arboretum. I think the park might have happened when we were particularly broke.
I think all of us sharing the duties and experiences helped us blend. We had all the same rules while living in the same house. There was some occasional custody flip flopping or visits….but the house rules were solid. I think the excursions helped us gain appreciation for a broader part of the world than many kids get to experience.
The bad. Sometimes one of the kids might have a more difficult time adjusting to life’s circumstances…feeling rejected by a parent or left out or what have you. They would act out. You really want to keep an eye on this behavior and make sure the kids are not taking out their unhappiness on the other kids. It is very difficult. If you spot negative behavior, talk to the kids independently.
Oh yeah, birthdays. We had a cake with everyone but each kid got to pick the parent of their choice and go to the restaurant of their choice to celebrate. It couldn’t always happen day of but this was discussed beforehand. So each kid got some one on one time.
Good luck!
Lindsey @ Better After
September 3, 2019 at 2:45 PMWow, wow thank you so much. SO much great advice here, I need to print this out and read it every day haha! Allowance is something I honestly have never given much though to, but all of the reasons you’ve stated here make so much sense. And I’m sure the kids would be thrilled!
Kim
September 5, 2019 at 7:31 PMHa! Pantry lmao! My kids grew up thinking I had intestinal problems cause I spent so much time in bathroom with the door locked! Kids turned out ok, baby graduated this spring. My but is still shaped like a toilet seat though! NOT a better-after ha ha ha!
Reenie
September 9, 2019 at 10:07 AMHappy to see you post again and that all is well.
Lisa
October 18, 2019 at 5:58 AMA blended family , how exciting this in itself is a very interesting topic and is very much a thing! We would love to hear more about your day to day!
Lisa recently posted…Brown Grocet Bag Crafted Into A Wreath
terry
October 28, 2019 at 3:02 PMTo add to the “chores” Sweetfe provided, we had a list of things that needed to be done: breakfast dishes, dinner dishes, lunches, fold laundry, iron (back in the day), make ice cubes (also back in the day), etc. The chores changed once a month. Each of us had an opportunity to “make the list” – we made the list in order of birth. Thus, if you knew your sister was making the list next month, you were extra sweet to her so you wouldn’t get stuck with dinner dishes. Boys and girls traded monthly yard chores and house chores, one month the boys would vacuum and dust, the next month mow and edge and trim and sweep. My brothers knew how to clean a house long before they owned one! We girls can plant a garden, mow the lawns, trim the bushes…life skills!!
Kay
December 9, 2019 at 12:47 PMI love reading your posts. Doesnât matter what theyâre about. If I saw you in the store, Iâd probably start chatting like we were old friends before realizing weâve never met and Iâm being a weird stranger! Anyways, keep it up (when you have time) and I bet eventually these new schedules and responsibilities will start feeling a lot easier and youâll start adding in more fun design stuff. Hey, now youâve got a ton of helpers to help with any design projects for the home!
Denise
January 13, 2020 at 4:56 PMWondering how your new life is going? Think youâll visit any time soon?
If not, best to you and may life not be too bumpy.
Lindsey @ Better After
January 15, 2020 at 11:41 AMThanks for checking in Denise! I am feeling the pull to write here more often. Hopefully I can make it happen. I’d really like to transition more into writing about just … whatever I guess? Life as I know it? Not to be so boxed in by before and afters, so I need to figure out how to go about that somehow. Currently unsure! But I so appreciate you taking the time to visit!!
Denise
January 15, 2020 at 12:13 PMGlad youâre getting the urge to write again. In no way do I minimize your âexpandedâ responsibilities, but selfishly enjoy your voice and your view on just about anything – ok, maybe not politics. Will continue to check back and continue wishing you the best.
Sarah Stargell
March 24, 2020 at 7:35 PMHi Lindsey, hope all is well/crazy/fun/wonderful in your world! Just want to let you know you are missed. I frequently check to see if you are back; your “voice” always spoke to me in whatever subject or topic you chose to write about. Stay well!
Denise
May 10, 2020 at 10:07 AMMe again! Donât know what there is about your voice but know it is missed! For some weird reason I havenât given up on hearing it again…..
Happy Motherâs Day đ
Catherine
September 1, 2020 at 4:17 PMHiLindsey. Hope you and your BiG family are doing well. I miss you and your posts. Would love to hear how you are doing. Maybe just a line or two?
Denise
September 2, 2020 at 7:08 AMMaybe if you get two requests in one day you might put fingers to keys (dating myself) and let us know how itâs going. Best to you