2015 Ugly Lamp Contest WINNER!

Ladies and gentleman, the culmination of a solid week’s worth of ugly happens right here, right now. You’ve made it this far. Let’s not wait a minute more.

 

Please put your hands together (in prayer) for our champion, our winner, he who will reign triumphant as the Ugliest Lamp of All, for now and forevermore or at least until next year,

 

2105 ugly lamp contest winner

LAMPOCALYPSE!

I was 99% sure from the second this thing popped up in my inbox that he was a winner, (once I stopped crying) and sure enough, he breezed through the competition without batting a dilated eye.  He made Lava Clown look like Hello Kitty. None of other the disembodied-head lamps could hold a candle to his ferocious ugliness. (Yes, we had at least four disembodied-head lamps this year. That should be its own category, apparently).

This beauty was discovered and submitted by Irene, who found him at a flea-market and knew right away that he was special. She even supplied us with a 360 view, so we didn’t miss out on one single inch of this eyeball assault.

UGLY LAMP 360 2 UGLY LAMP 360

It just gets creepier the more you look at it.

I tried to make out what the price tag said; here’s a zoomed in picture:

close up

Does that say $295.00? DOES THAT SAY $295.00????? Because it looks like it does.

BARGAIN ALERT.

There is no earthly reason why that could possibly cost so much, but it’s clear from any angle why he won by a landslide.

The final standings were as follows:

  • Lampocalypse: 62%
  • Lava Clown: 19%
  • She-Friend: 7%
  • Wishing-Well Hell: 6%
  • Suitable Satan: 4%
  • Driftwhat? – 2%

My personal favorite was probably Driftwhat simply because I still can’t figure it out. WHAT IS IT? All of the other lamps can be explained, kind of, somewhat, if you tried hard enough. Even Lampocalypse. My mom thinks he was a the product of an angry art student. But not ol’ Driftwhat. We just don’t know. We may never know.

But I do know that it’s time to induct Lampocalypse into the Ugly Lamp Hall of Champions!

*cue the Hall of Champions music*

(I’m not sure what that would actually sound like, so just make it up in your head)

(Oh no, wait, I thought of a song. A Moment Like This, by Kelly Clarkson. Perfect).

hall of champions 2015

Lampocalypse, I shake you firmly by the tiny hand dangling from your throat and invite you to take your place of honor among the luminaries that have come before you. Stand tall sir, you deserve to be here. Enjoy your reign of terror.

Thanks so much to everyone who participated in the contest, either by sending in your ugly lamps, voting, sharing the contest on social media, or for your hilarious comments that kept me refreshing my phone all day. I truly couldn’t do it without you. Congratulations to Irene, you will be receiving a $100 gift card of your choice!

I hope you had fun. Thanks again and remember to keep your eyes peeled for ugly lamps near you. You might just be the one to discover our winner for 2016!

See you next year.


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Comments

  1. With all the outloud creepy ugliness happening up on top, I never realized that the body of the lamp was leg. What? It just doesn’t make sense! Lamplight is supposed to be soothing…relaxing…Not night terrors keeping you up all night terrifying. Because I can only imagine what that lamp would like lighting up a dark room….

  2. It frightens me that the person who actually made this walks among us…not sure where this came from but I hope like heck it isn’t in my neck of the woods!

  3. Virginia Cumberbatch says:

    Makes me want to stay away from flea markets for a while…gosh you never know who you’re jostling shoulders with these days…who would create that…worse yet what else is going on in that crazy head of theirs….despite that I knew I had to cast my vote for its ugliness when I saw it.

  4. This is always so much fun Lindsey!Thanks!

  5. Brilliant as always! Thanks for the giggles!

  6. Perhaps you’ve gotten this comment already, but I can’t look at Lampocalypse without thinking of Sid from Toy Story! It’s exactly the type of lamp creation he’d come up with!

  7. I look forward to this contest every year, and it’s always on my mind when I’m out thrift store shopping. But when I see ugly lamps for sale in this contest, I’m always a little bummed. I’m much more interested in the ugly lamps that we all know IRL. I mean, these things are in thrift stores or flea markets for sale for a reason, usually because nobody else wants them either. I’m intrigued to know more about the ugly lamps that people choose to keep for one reason or another. You know, so I can make fun of them. 😊

  8. So excited that this hideous creation that I found won the 2015 ugly lamp contest!!! :) :)

  9. I’m thinking after the 10th annual Ugly Lamp contest you have an Ultimate Ugly Lamp contest and pit all the past winners against each other. You could call it a “Lamp-off” if you will. hee hee!

  10. Am I the only person to think that Lampocalypse was a female? I definitely got a Tammy Faye Baker vibe from this lamp. The overdone smeary, teary makeup; way too many accessories; the ‘deer caught in the headlights’ expression; and the I had nothing to do with his behavior posture. Okay, perhaps I am reading too much into this.

    In any event, and whatever the *gender* of this monstrosity is, a winner for sure.

  11. No joke…in the right context, Lampocalypse could actually be cool. It looks like B**ch Baby from the video game Alice: The Madness Returns. I personally find it scary as all get out, but some weirdo might like it! Not for $295 though! lol

    http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/americanmcgeesalice/images/f/f5/Bitch_Baby.png/revision/latest?cb=20140131173304

  12. FABULOUS, as always, ugly lamp contest does not disappoint! 🎶 OH, there she is, Lam-po-calypse 🎶.

  13. Thanks for the fun!!

  14. Is it just me, or is there a definite lower extremity theme to the majority of the winners??! Even the first winner…(let’s face it, he won before we really knew what ugly was!) He has his leg thrust out at a jaunty angle! Then the cast, beef femur and now Lampacolypse….they all had a leg up on the competition. Great fun, Lindsey!!!!

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