2014 Ugly Lamp Contest: WINNER!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!  The Ugliest Lamp of 2014 has been chosen!

(fanfare, fireworks, confetti cannons, trumpets!)

With a record-breaking 48% of the final votes, in all his nausea-inducing glory, allow me to introduce our champion, our conquering hero, our grand-master of Ugly:




Oh yeah.  I knew in my heart that Beef Femur was a winner the second this picture popped up in my inbox.

When Mariah submitted this glorious mummified meat stump to the contest she explained, “My husband works for a pet food company. They make everything from dry food to jerky and everything in between. They also process bones as chew toys. I’m not sure who made the decision to make this particular piece, but at some point someone decided that a good way to display their product was to turn it into a lamp. The lamp is made of a genuine beef femur, complete with dried flesh and liquid smoke, dipped in poly to preserve that recently-dead look. I’d say the bone is about two feet tall. I’m including some close-up shots just in case you really want to look closer. I’d advise against it.”

Well Mariah, you should find whoever it was that made this lamp and shake their hand, because they just helped you win a $100 gift card of your choice!  (Actually, I would avoid talking to that crazy person at all costs).

And now, Beef Femur shall be forever remembered, as he takes his rightful place among the past champions in our Ugly Lamp Hall of Fame.


2010Alien Matador


2011Broken Leg Lamp


2012Demon Skull


2013Bacon Barf

2014winnerBeef Femur


Thanks so much to everyone who submitted a lamp.  I always feel bad that I can’t include them all. It’s always a little heartbreaking to weed them down to manageable 18.

I hope you enjoyed the contest! I have to thank everyone who voted and commented too. Your comments are hands-down the very best part of this for me. SO funny!  Someone commented that they weren’t offended by the beef leg, just offended that it had such a boring lampshade. Haha! If you haven’t read through them you should take a minute to do it, they are sure to make you laugh.

ugly lamp logo 2014

What will next year bring?  I’ll need a full year of therapy before I can even begin to wonder.  As for you, be sure to keep a sharp eye out! You may be the one to discover next year’s winner!

Check out all the contestants from 2014 in Round 1, Round 2, Round 3, and the Battle Round.

Here are a the Battle Rounds from previous years too! 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010.

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  1. Wow! What a winner! Sheer ugliness! :)

  2. Yayyy! Congrats to the disgusting winner and Mariah who found it.

  3. After reading all the comments from all the rounds, I have decided to create a board on Pinterest labeled “serial killer home decor”!! So far I only have the femur pinned, but now I just might to look for more “unique” decor items to pin to that board! WAY TOO MUCH FUN!! Thanks!!!

  4. THANKS, That was a lot of fun. Congrats to the winner

  5. Is it time to have a barf-off between all of the winners? To find the baddest of the bad? Uglier than ugly?

  6. Yay beef femur!!!

  7. oh my gosh hahah. so gross!

  8. Even though it wasn’t my pick–it is REALLY ugly and knowing the “history” of it makes it even worse. I thought it might be someone’s misguided wood sculpture project but knowing that is is real beef is disgusting.

  9. That is one nasty lamp!

  10. Love this series always, never fails to make me laugh!

  11. Maria from Oz says:

    No bones about it! We certainly fleshed out the inevitable winner! Bit beefed up really,in my opinion. I guess it legged it in as the winner. …(I know, I know, stick with my day job.)

  12. This one was SO bad, the other contestants looked good in comparison. HIDEOUS!!! Congrats to the submitting winner!

  13. While the page was loading, I thought, “It’d better be that beef femur one. That thing was hideous!” And it was! lol. Glad everyone else agreed. Except for whoever came up with that nasty lamp in the first place. Creepy murderer dude? I mean, seriously. Yuck.

  14. Well as ugly as my Boogie Man, “Satan’s Booger”, was and he was truly ugly, I have to admit the Beef Femur rose to new heights of ugliness! I am honored to have been in your finals for the last 3 years and I’ll keep looking out for next years entry.

  15. Hahaha, I love it!!

  16. Carole R. says:

    I know a winner when I see one. Think we’ll be seeing it stores soon?

  17. Heather M says:

    I’m so sad this is over!! It’s my favorite blog week of the year:)! Thanks for putting it together & making us all laugh (and possibly puke). Also the history behind this lamp, makes it way more ugly!! Totally gross!

  18. Satan’s Booger was so close! I still feel for you for having to live with those Life-Size Lovers!! That deserves its own award. Thanks so much for sharing in the fun Sarah!

  19. Poor ‘Beef Femur'; it is the UGLIEST of all of the first place winners!

  20. Ummm…yeah, that thing is NASTY! Ya know, since the antler home decor trend, is starting to fade, I will not be surprised if some crazed designer or company, makes a porcelain version of this femur lamp and adds a fancy drum shade. They could even make a gold dipped one, too! There is some weird crap in stores and this femur may just be the next WTF home decor craze. Just sayin’. 😉

  21. OMG! I can’t believe the grand-master of Ugly really exist! =80

    Great contest idea! And your blog! :-)

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