Ugly Lamp Contest: Round III

Ugly Lamp Contest: Round III
Welcome to Round III of the Ugly Lamp Contest!  How did your favorite (or least favorite) fare in yesterday’s round?   My vote went to Numb Skull, who was a winner by a mile, with 49% of the votes. African’t came in a distant second with 19%.  Strangely enough, many of you fell in love with  Randall, God of Lighting and even suggested that his owner auction him off! 
But now, let’s get down to business.  It’s time to gear up for Round III. Steel your nerves, put on your serious face, perhaps find a small stuffed animal to snuggle for comfort.

Here we go.

from Brittany
Me-oww!  Mr. Pretty Kitty is all dressed up, and just needs somewhere to go! He’s perfect for any room.  Put him in the living room, dining room, bathroom, or anywhere you want a glowing cat incessantly staring at you. Take him home today!  No, seriously, take him home.
from Crystal
Back in my day, we didn’t have any so-called “Like” buttons on the “Facebooks” or whatever it is you whippersnappers fiddle around with.  No, if we wanted give someone a thumbs-up, why, we did it the old-fashioned way.  We whittled them a fist!  

from Heather
This eco-friendly lamp is serious about conserving the earth and using our natural resources wisely.
That’s why it’s made from a  cow crap.

from Lauren

Hug me.
Hug me.
Hug me.
  HUG ME!!! 
from Patty
This little guy has a very similar look to the aforementioned God of Lighting, but I don’t see anyone rushing to coat him in copper with a blue patina wash and put him in the garden.  Sorry, kiddo.  It’s just that Randall had those abs.  And you have … an underage drinking problem.

from Sayle


“Shh darling.  Don’t look now, but it appears we are being overtaken by an alien aircraft.”
“Oh, don’t be daft.  That’s just the new art deco lampshade I bought.”
“Art what now?”
“You’re so behind the times, honestly. Wake up and join this century.”
“Er, OK.  Um … so … which century, exactly?”

Vote now!



  1. August 22, 2012 / 5:24 PM

    Erm….very tough call as I found the weird cat one rather creepy, but the fist is too ugly! Looking at the votes so far…it is a tough call- 3 are at 33% , one of them being the cat! :0)

  2. August 22, 2012 / 5:30 PM

    The fist is well…ugly. lol
    And the cabbage patch doll is creepy.

  3. Anonymous
    August 22, 2012 / 5:35 PM

    As ugly as the fist is, I couldn’t vote it the ugliest because I have a sneaking suspicion that it is a high school wood shop project and some kid was very proud of his creation. 😉

  4. August 22, 2012 / 5:37 PM

    Wow! These just get worse and worse. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that kitty lamp in stores. IT was hard for me to choose between the fist or the cabbage patch.

  5. Anonymous
    August 22, 2012 / 5:38 PM

    I think a lot of these just need paint. Like the cat. Paint it all the same color and it might not be so bad. Paint the cow-pie (I’m thinking turquoise/bright teal). For some reason I love cow-pie’s lampshade. Replace the lamp-shade on the Victorians. And yes, I still like the mini-Randall, god of the whiskey jug. To me, it’s a nice sculptural figure. Unlike the fist. Which, as someone mentioned, is probably homemade and they were probably proud of it and I felt a teensy bit bad voting for it, but it’s u-g-l-y as a lamp.

  6. August 22, 2012 / 5:43 PM

    Hug me or I’ll eat your face. LMAO – Made me laugh out loud! Horrifically wonderful lamps this year!

  7. Anonymous
    August 22, 2012 / 5:57 PM

    I think the fist is missing a finger. Definitely creepy! It also appears that the boy drank too much and lost a shoe. Oh dear..

  8. August 22, 2012 / 6:03 PM

    #15 is salvageable. I didn’t think of the wood shop project but it still confuses me. The “Hug me or I’ll eat your face” made me laugh so hard I cried!

  9. August 22, 2012 / 6:37 PM

    Lindsay, you are too funny. You should be writing in Hollywood for sitcoms or something! The cow crap made me laugh out loud. Those are some ugly lamps.

  10. August 22, 2012 / 7:45 PM

    I can’t even fathom the cow crap lamp. Just … why?

  11. August 22, 2012 / 8:16 PM

    It was harder to choose today than it was yesterday. I choose by asking myself which one I’d be most horrified to have in my living room.

    Seriously, this contest brightens my day.

  12. August 22, 2012 / 8:18 PM

    That cat lamp gave me the heebie-jeebies! ~~Shiver~~

  13. August 22, 2012 / 9:41 PM

    The fist had to get my vote as it is just so crappy! The plastic jelly mould/sickly couple combo gave it a run for its money.

    And to think, someone, somewhere got paid to design all this crud *shivers*

  14. Mary Hall
    August 22, 2012 / 9:50 PM

    We are having a struggle at my house. I voted for 15, but my son wanted to vote for 18.

  15. August 22, 2012 / 9:55 PM

    The Cabbage Patch lamp is creepy, the cow patch lamp doesn’t make any sense at all; does it even work as a lamp with that shade? I want to see what is under the shade. The couple and their shade do not go together at all. I think we should narrow the field from each day and then have a super bowl of ugly.

  16. August 22, 2012 / 10:46 PM

    Oh man! This round was really hard! But the reason I picked the Victorians with the weird Art Decor (really?) lamp shade IS because of that horrid lamp shade! As they say “What WERE they thinking?!?!?!”

  17. August 22, 2012 / 11:38 PM

    How many more of these are there??! I don’t think my sides can take any more of this abuse! lol OMG where do these things come from??? The cat is, um, weird. The fist is just plain ugly. The doll is freaky. The dresden people with the art deco lampshade are, well words fail me… and as for the drinker, the time’s they are a’changin’ 🙂

  18. August 22, 2012 / 11:39 PM

    oops forgot cow patty lamp – that one is so weird I can’t even remember it!

  19. Marty
    August 22, 2012 / 11:43 PM

    Are you kidding? #13? I would so LOVE that lamp! I rescue cats, have 10 rescues, so I’d love that one (let me know if the owner wants to send it my way!).

    For me, gotta be #14 with out a doubt!!!! Über ugly!

  20. August 22, 2012 / 11:50 PM

    Oh my word. I had a Cabbage Patch doll that looked EXACTLY like that lamp. It had the yellow dress and everything! It didn’t have the creep factor of the lamp though.

  21. August 23, 2012 / 12:20 AM

    I’m trying to think if I had to design a lamp what would make me envision a cat who’s body lit up. And just how long is that lamp shade on the cowpie lamp? So weird. It makes me wish we could have an ugly lamp contest every day. I never tire of them.

  22. Anonymous
    August 23, 2012 / 1:43 AM

    This is hands down my favorite part of the day!!! HA
    The comment about the cow crap made me laugh so hard!!!
    The cat wouldn’t be soo bad if he didn’t have such creepy eyes. Still bad, but not soo bad. 🙂
    Who to vote for??????
    Cow crap it is! 🙂

  23. August 23, 2012 / 2:40 AM

    cow crap… love it!

  24. August 23, 2012 / 2:59 AM

    Not only is that kitty lamp UGLY, (it’s more FUGLY than UGLY), but downright SCARY!

    Your commentary is hilarious. Thanks for the laughs.

  25. stephbo93
    August 23, 2012 / 3:23 AM

    And that for these things to be in second-hand stores or in someone’s home means that someone had to have purchased them at some point!

  26. stephbo93
    August 23, 2012 / 3:28 AM

    I’m with the person above–you could make an entire blog out of nothing but ugly lamps from your readers, and it would be my favorite part of the day. Seriously. I’m sick like that .

  27. August 23, 2012 / 3:38 AM

    I had to come back from another blog to tell you that you should be getting some sort of blogging prize for the laughs you provide with this contest. I don’t want this to end…I wonder how many lamps are hiding, just waiting to be discovered?

  28. August 23, 2012 / 4:37 AM

    Hands down it’s the century mix up in #18! It’s absolutely grotesque! The best part of this contest are your hilarious comments. ~ Maureen

  29. Anonymous
    August 23, 2012 / 5:34 AM

    I have to agree … your comments are hilarious! You’ve made my day all week long. More ugly lamps please!!!

  30. August 23, 2012 / 1:48 PM

    #18 looks like a scene from Singing in the Rain! “I caan’t stan’im!”

  31. August 23, 2012 / 2:43 PM

    Looks like Mr. Kitty fell into a bucket of paint up to his neck. Poor Kitty!

  32. August 23, 2012 / 2:55 PM

    Notice that most of these lamps are in thrift shops? You mean no-one actually OWNS these?

  33. Anonymous
    August 23, 2012 / 4:45 PM

    what happened to your followers tab? i enjoyed clicking on the other blog links?

  34. August 23, 2012 / 4:58 PM

    I really need to stop looking at this contest while at work! Sitting at my desk, laughing (mostly) silently with tears pouring down my face does NOT look professional! I think the captions are what are so funny!

  35. August 23, 2012 / 10:00 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  36. August 23, 2012 / 10:01 PM

    Just trying to get my head around the idea that, at one point, at least one person thought each of these was a good idea. For the mass produced ones, LOTS of people thought they were a good idea – holy cow! (pattie lamp)

  37. August 24, 2012 / 2:25 AM

    #15 looks like it was once globe shaped (base) and someone stuck a pin it, and it deflated.
    Perhaps, it flew off the potters wheel, lol.

  38. jajj
    August 24, 2012 / 11:15 AM

    I love the kitty, I love the kitty!(seriously)

  39. August 31, 2012 / 5:52 AM

    Your lamp descriptions are hilarious. Thanks for the laughs! Your writing is as awesome as the before/afters. Keep it up!

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