Ugly Lamp Contest: Round I

Strap on your protective eye gear and get your therapist on speakerphone, because it’s here!

Today’s the day!

I’m so excited I can hardly stand it! 

Before we commence with the terror, let me fill you in a little on how this thing works.  There are eighteen contestants total.  We will have three rounds of voting: six lamps per day.  Thursday, the top two vote-getters from each round will compete in the final round.  The winner will be announced on Friday and receive a $100 Target Giftcard!
It was SO HARD to narrow down the contestants.  I received so many ugly lamp submissions I think I’m suffering from PTULED. (Post-traumatic ugly lamp exposure disorder).  By the end of the week, you’ll probably have it too.  I had to rule out a few that were too similar to last year’s contestants, and I received a lot of nearly identical ugly lamps (horrifyingly true), but rest assured, I have hand-picked the ugliest of the ugly for your viewing pleasure.

Let it begin.

from Amber
Perch this subtly sinister clown on your nightstand if you want the opposite of a good night’s sleep. I don’t know what his little clarinet is for, but I suspect it’s used to gently lure your soul down into the depths of Clown Hell as you sleep.

from Kyra

Holy ghostly! These severed, supplicating hands actually make me want to stop praying.

from Jerilyn

Who doesn’t want, nay, NEED a lampburger?  You know, for when hunger and darkness strike.  At the same time.
from Gillian

The only thing scarier than this lacy lady’s dead-eyed stare is how quickly she and her yards and yards of crispy lace are likely to go up in flames. 

from Sarah

As if this life-sized (!) pair of flirty farm kids wasn’t bad enough, it was actually a hand-made gift meant to portray Sarah’s father-in-law and mother-in-law, who insisted she display it prominently in her home.

from Candace
If you ever start feeling bad about life, just flick on ol’ Gloomy-Hobo-in-a-Box.  Ain’t nobody got it bad as he does. He’s a hobo, for one.  In a box.  And his only friends are birds.  Dead ones.

Vote now!


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Comments

  1. That clown is scary and ugly at the same time. It was a tough choice! :)

  2. My grandmother had a pair of those lacy ladies on her dresser. I couldn’t bring myself to vote for them!

  3. I love your ugly lamp contests! Such a brilliant idea. I would love to do something like this…but maybe with another kind of furniture or accessory together!

    Cheers
    ~ Jillian
    http://www.hersplitends.com

  4. I can’t, in good conscience, vote for the Burger Lite, because I want it.

    I have a mother-in-law who insists on us keeping and displaying everything she’s ever given us, so that story touched my soul the most. If Sarah wins the contest, can she get rid of the lamp?

  5. Clearly, Sarah’s in-laws despise her.

  6. I would rather sit in darkness than in the glow of any of these ‘lamps’! Bwahahahahaahahaha!!! People will electrify anything!

  7. I CAN’T pick one!!! They are all so fabulously horrible. The mother-in-law component to the girl/boy one may push me over the edge on that one, but the creepy clown and hobo in a box are strong contenders.

  8. I CAN’T pick one!!! They are all so fabulously horrible. The mother-in-law component to the girl/boy one may push me over the edge on that one, but the creepy clown and hobo in a box are strong contenders.

  9. I have been waiting for this! I love me some ugly lamps.

    The lacy lady was the first that made me actually gasp out loud, but the life size lovers and their story eventually won me over. No scary bald lacy lady can compare to the fear induced by this mother-in-law.

  10. Okay, after consulting my 6 year old daughter (who had to make sure that voting for a certain lamp would NOT result us us winning it and having it come live at our house) we settled on the ugly Barbie.

  11. Yay! My favorite time of year!! Nothing beats a good old’ ugly lamp. This round was almost too hard to choose!

  12. Oh I want the life size lovers. I think with some paint this would look great in the garden! (with out the lamp part!)

  13. i want the burger!!!!

  14. I think your candidates are all a little on the ugly side…but clowns why do people create that creepylook on a clown….

  15. Yay! I love me some ugly lamp action! Like Christmas morning!

    “Hobo in a Box” all the way – as if “Hobo” by himself wouldn’t quite cut it. Nooooo – I know! Let’s put him in a box!

  16. I think we should fix hobo up with lacy lady and then they could be as happily in love as flirty farm kids. can you believe that someone is asking 14.00 for hobo in a box?? Hilarious!

  17. I had one just like #4!!

    Mine had a white dress but she was just as hideous!! ACK!!

  18. Wait – can you clarify exactly how tall are the life-sized lovers – you didn’t seriously mean like 5 ft tall, did you?? It was just a figure of speech, right??

  19. No no, they are truly LIFE SIZED!

  20. Anonymous says:

    Okay, out of all of these, I thought the flirty farm kids were the cutest! I can’t really believe they made it on here. But I also can’t believe they are life-sized. That kind of takes the cuteness away a bit. I thought hands-down the first two were going to be the worst (creepy clown? check. awful homemade looking bible lamp? eww) but then I kept scrolling. That hobo with the dead birds-whoa.

  21. The lampburger is completely awesome. :)

  22. /gasp! Sadistic inlaws…

  23. You did a great job of choosing!
    I can’t believe these are LAMPS!
    Ugh!
    Off to vote…

  24. Hobo in the box! Where would someone have put this in their house?!

  25. My sister had a replica of #4, only I think hers was pink lace. But I’ve managed to mercifully block it (mostly) from my mind so I can’t remember for sure. I’ll have to ask her if she remembers. What’s funny is that I was the girly one and she was the tomboy, so I’m not sure why she ended up with the uber ruffly lace lamp. Maybe our mom was trying to entice her over to the Frilly Side?

    But I had to vote for #5. Talk about scary! I don’t know who would think commissioning a life-size replica of the in-laws would be a good idea. Although I can see it being a really creepy addition to the plot of some weird horror movie.

  26. The horror of the in-law story meant I was compelled to vote for the enormous lovers. But the hobo will haunt my dreams tonight…

  27. as a re-purposer of things I voted for the one lamp I saw the least potential in, being the praying hands, although it looks to have a good cord.
    Thanks for the fun Lindsey.

  28. The life sized lovers are indeed lifesized! They stand around 5 feet tall + the lampshade makes it around 6′. NO WAY to ever hide them! For 15 YEARS people. That alone should get me some sympathy votes! After my MIL died, I “gifted” it during a grilfriends weekend where we had a “white elephant” exchange. That legend will live on forever… Then I actually had to bring it back home AGAIN cause that friend wouldn’t take it. : ( I finally hid it in my sister-in-laws garage (it’s her parents)! Now the cat’s out of the bag!

  29. The life sized lovers are indeed lifesized! They stand around 5 feet tall + the lampshade makes it around 6′. NO WAY to ever hide them! For 15 YEARS people. That alone should get me some sympathy votes! After my MIL died, I “gifted” it during a grilfriends weekend where we had a “white elephant” exchange. That legend will live on forever… Then I actually had to bring it back home AGAIN cause that friend wouldn’t take it. : ( I finally hid it in my sister-in-laws garage (it’s her parents)! Now the cat’s out of the bag!
    Sarah

  30. Anonymous says:

    You know, the life size lovers might actually look better if they were bronzed with a different lampshade. I kind of want them now.

  31. The clown is wicked creepy !
    I don’t think I’ve ever liked them
    to be honest. So it could just be me : )
    elise

  32. Ya got there some ugly dang lamps! Can’t wait to see the others ;-)

    For me it was a toss up between the lacy-lamp and the life-sized lamp. The deciding factor was that the giver of the life-sized lamp insisted it be displayed! Yuck, yuck, yuck! That can only lead to bad!

  33. Part of me wants the hamburger lamp so I have an excuse to buy the burger phone from the movie Juno. I’m clearly a crazy thirteen year old stuck in a grownup’s body.

    The ghostly hands on the Bible were a bit frightening, however.

  34. Wow! All of these could win. It was hard to choose which was worse. But the life size lovers….oh..my to have to have that in your home!

  35. Anonymous says:

    I’ve wanted the lovers lamp ever since my wife showed it to me after the white elephant exchange; it is just so awesomely over the top. If it ever needs a new home….

    (Though if I brought it home, I may be in need of a new home.)

    I am not in the least bit afraid of clowns, but #1 will live in my nightmares.

  36. I can’t pick only one!!! omg who ever came up with these ideas??? and this whole thing reminded me of a wedding gift from my first marriage. The gift? A totally plastic lamp and lampshade in the shape of a bucking bronco complete with cowboy on his back. Why someone thought that was an appropriate wedding gift I have no idea… Thank you for the laughs, I am still laughing!

  37. My mother also has one of those lacy lucy ladies in her house.Yucky dust catcher is all I can say, but my mother loves it.

  38. The Burger Lamp – never, ever, ever would have come up with that one!

  39. Difficult choices. Now I understand my adult nieces clown phobia but that hobo is truly creepy. Nightmares tonight.

  40. stephbo93 says:

    Really? That’s EXACTLY why I voted for them! I have tons of relatives with similar lamps. The worst was a rooster with a petticoat lampshade that my mom and great-aunt entered into a bidding war for at the auction after my grandma died. Soooo very thankful my mom finally bowed out on that one!

  41. Ooh that lacy lady is creepy. The other ones have some redeeming qualities, but lacy lady – just like a blue eyeshadowed zombie.

  42. stephbo93 says:

    When I first saw the life-size couple, I thought it wasn’t all that bad. It’s a scultpture and all. Then I read the description and saw the size. Egads!!!! Poor Sarah! I’m glad you managed to find a place for it!

  43. Oh, definitely Sarah’s life-sized in-law lovers! Kudos to her for staying with her hubby. lol

  44. Anonymous says:

    I literally laughed out loud at the Hobo in a Box. They are all great!!!! seriously… hobo in a box wow

  45. Burger…who makes a lamp out of a hamburger? We see people all the time in different poses, but a burger. Now, I can only hope that there is a fries lamp to go with it. LOVE THIS CONTEST!!!

  46. Anonymous says:

    The clown was so frightening when the email opened, however, I feel the lampburger is the ugliest. Yikes! Nancy

  47. Linda Gone says:

    Number 5….Love the little sweethearts all coy ~!!

  48. It was seriously hard to choose one. I finally decided the lacy lady was the most atrocious of the bunch. I kind of found myself wanting the burger and trying to think of ways to make the 5 foot lamp into garden decor. haha.

  49. Wow! Such a tough choice. Strangely, I could find some redeeming qualities in just about all of the lamps except Lacy Lady. She’s just plain tacky and reminds me way too much of Toddlers and Tiaras.

  50. Anonymous says:

    It still amazes me that the ugly lamps keep coming. It is so hard to pick the ugliest! Thank you for the entertainment! :)

  51. OMG!! I love ugly lamp contest!
    Sarah, I want your lamp, seriously and with no joking. I can see why it would be awful for you, but I think it has potential. Do you still have it?

  52. Anonymous says:

    I was on the fence until I reread and yet again… LIFE SIZED YOU SAY??? Well, How can you not vote for that?

  53. I love the life size lovers! I would definitely remove the lamp components and paint it. Then it would look so pretty in a flower garden!

    The lacy barbie was definitely uglier than the others!!

  54. I want to know how Sarah got out of prominently displaying the life-sized lovers?? Did they move out of town and only bring it out when the in laws were coming to visit?

  55. Should Sarah have to keep a lamp with her FIL pulling her MIL’s dress up? What a thing to immortalize! ~ Maureen

  56. Have u seen the fantastic blue lamp behind the hobo for only $4.99? I want it!

  57. I think I had a Lacy Lady when I was a kid!!!! I must have blocked it out until that picture brought up old memories. I’ll be at my therapist’s office if anyone needs me.

  58. Anonymous says:

    I am seriously considering finding a lampbuger and purchasing it. I have a problem. >.>

  59. I love this! This is hysterical & very frightening! There are way too many ugly lamps out there! While most of them could be slightly improved by a can of spray paint there are too many of them that are hopeless! :D :D :D

  60. All so beautiful and unique. Although the clown lamps scares the crap out of me.

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