Ugly Lamp Contest: Round II

Ugly Lamp Contest: Round II
You’re back for more, eh?  You glutton for self-punishment, you!  Yesterday’s round was a close race between Lacy Lady and Life-size Lovers, with Hobo in a Box coming in a near third.   I was actually quite shocked to see that Ghostly Prayers had the least amount of votes, as that one continues to terrify me daily.

Now, onto Round II.

Deep breaths.

from Camille
Surely, surely there are better ways to celebrate one’s African heritage than with this tacky set of table lamps.  According to my understanding, the hat on the gentleman is a kufi cap, commonly worn by men of all religions in West Africa.  According to common sense, nobody over there is wearing a lampshade. 
from Heidi
Psst.  You there.  Yes you.  You seem a little lonely.  Perhaps you are in need of some … illumination.  Nothing will light up your life quite like this Seductively Lounging Gladiator Lamp.  What is wrong with his shield, you say?  Why does this exist at all?  Shh, darling.  These are questions the universe does not want answered.
from Kristi

Look now! It’s Raijin, God of Lightning!  Oh, wait.  My mistake.  This is actually Randall, God of Lighting.
from Paula
Words failed me as I stared and stared at this misfortunate lighting apparatus for a really long time, until my husband wandered by and exclaimed, “Is that a clam flexing?!

from Rhonda
Kids giving you a hard time at bedtime?  Let these black-hearted bears do your dirty work for you.  Your children will be too terrified to leave their beds under the malevolent glares of the father/son tag-team.  I hear there used to be a momma bear, but I’m pretty sure this sadistic duo ate her.
from Sherry

Sweet holy heaven.  Where is that prayer lamp when we need it?  I don’t know why this thing even has a cord, I bet it glows just fine under its own demonic powers.

Vote Now!


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60 Comments

  1. August 21, 2012 / 4:32 PM

    Okay, that was a hard vote. They’re all HORRIBLE!!!

  2. August 21, 2012 / 4:40 PM

    Oh wow, it was a tie between the pedobears and that creepy skull, yuck!

  3. August 21, 2012 / 4:52 PM

    I can’t unsee those. I believe there has been permanent damage done to my retinas. And my psyche.

  4. August 21, 2012 / 4:56 PM

    That was really, really hard! I was shocked to see the lead!

  5. August 21, 2012 / 5:10 PM

    Is it bad that I actually love the god of lightning lamp and would put it in my house?

  6. August 21, 2012 / 5:20 PM

    Am I the only one that thinks #8 is a little, um, dirty? Like not for kids to see? They are all horrible!

  7. August 21, 2012 / 5:34 PM

    If Yoda was a teddy bear. . . .

  8. August 21, 2012 / 5:35 PM

    It just kept getting worse as I kept scrolling down. AJ- My first though exactly!

  9. August 21, 2012 / 5:56 PM

    So hard to choose just one!! They’re all just awful!

  10. August 21, 2012 / 6:10 PM

    Those are all horrible, and your descriptions are all hilarious. I didn’t think anything would beat the commentary for “Hobo in a Box”, but look at you, you done did it. 🙂

  11. August 21, 2012 / 6:10 PM

    Those are all horrible, and your descriptions are all hilarious. I didn’t think anything would beat the commentary for “Hobo in a Box”, but look at you, you done did it. 🙂

  12. August 21, 2012 / 6:22 PM

    I’m a little surprised #12 is in the lead! I think it could pass as Halloween decorations; and therefore, isn’t all that ugly. #8, on the other hand, is the oddest lamp I’ve ever seen.

  13. August 21, 2012 / 6:22 PM

    I love the god of lighting! Mollie, I’m with you, I wouldn’t mind having that lamp in my home either.

  14. August 21, 2012 / 6:34 PM

    I thought I’d seen some preposterous lamps, but these beat them! ~ Maureen

  15. August 21, 2012 / 6:44 PM

    Kelly, I’m with you. The skull lamp is over the top but not nearly as WTF?!??!?! as the raunchy gladiator lamp.

  16. August 21, 2012 / 6:49 PM

    The “Numb Skull” gets a pass because it isn’t trying to pass itself off as a normal lamp. I can see certain teenagers going “WHOAH THAT’S COOL” and decorating their bedroom with it, on a shelf or something, but it was never intended to go in a mainstream culture person’s living room.

  17. August 21, 2012 / 6:50 PM

    The “Numb Skull” gets a pass because it isn’t trying to pass itself off as a normal lamp. I can see certain teenagers going “WHOAH THAT’S COOL” and decorating their bedroom with it, on a shelf or something, but it was never intended to go in a mainstream culture person’s living room.

  18. Anonymous
    August 21, 2012 / 6:53 PM

    Wow these are WAY worse than the last ones and Last years LOL!

  19. August 21, 2012 / 7:11 PM

    Wow. It just keeps getting…worse. There are no words to describe the skull lamp. It is literally what nightmares are made of. Still, I had to go with the flexing clam, as it’s abstract ugliness really stuck with me. The skull would have done the same had I been able to look at it for more than a millisecond.

  20. August 21, 2012 / 7:22 PM

    I am always almost positive each time that there could not in any way be any more ugly lamps to put in these contests…yet…there they are! X)

  21. August 21, 2012 / 8:05 PM

    I was having such a hard time deciding… And then I saw #12 and instinctively sucked all the air out of the room. I may have nightmares tonight.

  22. August 21, 2012 / 8:21 PM

    The skull lamp is not only ugly, it is scary to boot!!!

  23. Anonymous
    August 21, 2012 / 8:35 PM

    Eeeek. Jeez. It only took me 2 seconds to place my vote. The thing is …. ALL were horrid. Nightmare bound. Those teddies are absolutely scary. Uggh. #12 is painfully icky. Bring us more uglies!
    Marcee/ILLINOIS

    P.S. I have zero pathetic lamps in my house. None.

  24. Anonymous
    August 21, 2012 / 8:38 PM

    Ohhhmygosh. Just finished reading all the comments! Amazing how many times “nightmare(s)” was/were mentioned. We are ALL creeped-out. Honestly. I know!

    Marcee/ILLINOIS

  25. August 21, 2012 / 8:41 PM

    I agree that #8 is suggestive (what IS he doing to that cat?) and Randall isn’t a bad looking guy…but #10 is just a wee bit too phallic to be a lamp. Not that a phallic lamp is a bad idea, it’s just that this is a bad phallic lamp. 🙂

  26. August 21, 2012 / 8:50 PM

    I voted for #12, however, I must confess that it wasn’t actually MY vote, but that of my son. And he wasn’t actually voting for the UGLIEST lamp, but what he deemed as, “THAT’S SUCH A BITCHIN’ LAMP!”

  27. August 21, 2012 / 8:50 PM

    I hope that I’m not ruining the vote by picking the one that I LAUGH at the most. I sure love your commentary, too.

    Though the skull one will probably make me sleep curled up in fetal position tonight, rocking back and forth, I voted for the seductive gladiator. Because it cracked me up!

  28. August 21, 2012 / 9:13 PM

    Man, I really wonder what people are thinking, Ugly is right. I was tempted to poke out my eyes after the first glance but I made it though. Skulls always creep me out so that got my vote.

  29. August 21, 2012 / 9:15 PM

    That skull lamp would give me nightmares!

  30. Julie C
    August 21, 2012 / 9:32 PM

    “Ugly” is not a powerful enough word for this group of lamps. I’m still trying to shake the images from my brain!

  31. August 21, 2012 / 10:02 PM

    How could something be so horrible and so fun at the same time? You’re cracking me up with the Gladiator.. “Shhhh, the universe does not need to know…”

  32. August 21, 2012 / 10:29 PM

    They’re all worse than the last! I thought for sure you had a winner with the God of Lightning, then I saw the demonic powers one at the end. Good grief. I’d like to see a few of these plugged in.

  33. stephbo93
    August 21, 2012 / 10:59 PM

    This was a tough round. The God of Lighting one wouldn’t be so bad except it’s so tall!!! Seriously! It’s almost as tall as the window! And the skulls one, while ugly, definitely has a target niche in mind, so I didn’t vote for that one.

  34. August 21, 2012 / 11:15 PM

    Oh my word, you’re funny. Love this post.

  35. August 21, 2012 / 11:49 PM

    This round seems far worse than yesterday’s round! WOW!

  36. Anonymous
    August 21, 2012 / 11:57 PM

    I judged based on which lamp I would absolutely not put anywhere in my house, not even in a closet. with that, I had to say African’t lamps. the skull horror, ugly as it is, may be able to go in a teenagers room:)
    Terresa/Oklahoma

  37. Anonymous
    August 22, 2012 / 12:56 AM

    I would totally pay good money for #9. It would look amazing in copper with a blue patina wash or with a faux aged stone finish.

  38. August 22, 2012 / 1:12 AM

    #10 is just so phallic–I can’t stop laughing at it!

  39. August 22, 2012 / 1:46 AM

    Seriously, I’m thinking of going into the lamp business. Whatever I come up with can’t possibly be as horrendous as these! Can they?

  40. August 22, 2012 / 3:12 AM

    Oh my. Your comments are more fun than looking at the lamps. You should do this at least twice a year. I laugh out loud reading the descriptions. Thank you for the laughs :)))

  41. Junebug
    August 22, 2012 / 3:29 AM

    12 is the worst. I actually think the Teddy Bear lamp is salvageable with paint.

  42. August 22, 2012 / 4:13 AM

    So enough of us LOVE the God of Lighting … she should run an auction. How big is that bad boy?!

  43. August 22, 2012 / 4:41 AM

    Wow…I think you’ve outdone yourself. #8 defies description and how in the world would a lampshade fit on it? It would have to be a tiny one. I find myself going back over and over to #10 trying to figure out what in the world it was really supposed to be, especially after I noticed that it takes two tiny light bulbs there in the front. It was really hard to vote this round. Should it be creepy bears, evil skull or clam flexing? Yikes…maybe I will just close my eyes and point.

  44. August 22, 2012 / 4:51 AM

    These are just too horrendous. But in a way that almost makes then cool. But only almost.

  45. Marty
    August 22, 2012 / 8:26 AM

    Ok, they’ve all been ugly, BUT #12 has to be the worst I’ve EVER seen!

  46. August 22, 2012 / 9:20 AM

    Lindsay I almost spit my tea out of my mouth laughing at your # 12 comment – they’re all funny – but you had me at Sweet Holy Heaven – where’s the prayer lamp – You are absolutely hilarious!!!
    The demon wins this one –
    Hands down!!!

  47. Anonymous
    August 22, 2012 / 10:27 AM

    they are all so ugly, how can i pick just one?

  48. Anonymous
    August 22, 2012 / 12:47 PM

    OMG! How can I pick only 1? It’s not even 8 in the morning I just said “What the Hell?” about 5 times. LOL

  49. Anonymous
    August 22, 2012 / 12:51 PM

    What exactly is the gladiator doing to his cat in Number 8? AAHHH

  50. August 22, 2012 / 1:33 PM

    I’m with you Lindsey – the praying hands was my vote until my girls all voted for the lady. Today I’m going with my gut. That incredibly sexy gladiator gets my wholehearted vote.

  51. August 22, 2012 / 3:26 PM

    Creepy creepy creepy! The evil bears thing cracks me up! Some are scary and others just deeply disturbing…

  52. Anonymous
    August 22, 2012 / 5:51 PM

    I had to come back to see the comments on Randall. Lol. It’s interesting to see the numb-skull non-critics… I did skulls and dragons as a teenager and they still don’t freak me out or anything, but that lamp is really ugly and way too colorful for the look it’s trying to pull off. Not to mention that styrofoam looking ball on top and the fangs. It wouldn’t have worked for teenage goth me and therefore not sure it works at all. Lol.

    But that clam flexing… smh

  53. August 22, 2012 / 11:43 PM

    I missed this one yesterday! I don’t know what I enjoy more, the photos or your descriptions! lol LOVE IT!

  54. August 22, 2012 / 11:52 PM

    It was a real toss up for me
    between #10,and 12 . I ended up voting for the flexing muscles.

  55. August 25, 2012 / 1:59 AM

    Haha my hubby has my skull tattooed on his chest, replica of one of many CT scans throughout our trials of 11 brain surgeries I’ve had. Kinda jealous the lamp is more colorful…..looks like a visit to tattooist is on calendar. I need a make over.

  56. August 25, 2012 / 1:59 AM

    Haha my hubby has my skull tattooed on his chest, replica of one of many CT scans throughout our trials of 11 brain surgeries I’ve had. Kinda jealous the lamp is more colorful…..looks like a visit to tattooist is on calendar. I need a make over.

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