Ugly Lamp Contest: FINAL ROUND!

Ugly Lamp Contest: FINAL ROUND!
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the final round!  Today the top two winners from each round will battle head-to-head … or fist … or whatever … for the distinction and infamy that come with being crowned the 2012 Ugliest Lamp! 
Yesterday’s round was a fight to the finish, with Whittled Fist and Mr. Pretty Kitty edging out a win.  There were no clear favorites, although Lil’ Lush did get the fewest votes, with only 1%.  You guys and your passionate love of sculptural lamps, geez.

There can only be one winner today.

Who’s it going to be?

Will one lamp rise above the rest?
Or will they all crack under the pressure?
 (We can only hope.)

Here we go.

from Gillian
Lacy Lady plans to intimidate the competition with her icy stare.  If that doesn’t work, Plan B is to smother them in lace.
from Sarah
Can these Life-Size Lovers stop getting handsy long enough to be serious contenders? 

 from Camille

Don’t be fooled by their bewildered gazes. Lady African’t is so confident of a win, she’s already broken out her party hat.

from Sherry
Numb Skull dominated his round, but will his fiery flames of dragon-orgy evil be enough to roast the challengers?

 from Brittany

Underneath that calm and gently glowing exterior is a Mr. Pretty Kitty who’s ready to pounce.  He’s got his claws sharpened and bow-tie tied.

from Crystal
He may be small, but Whittled Fist is scrappy. And not just because he’s made from scrap wood.  Count those fingers.  Obviously, he’s seen his share of fights.

Vote Now!



  1. August 23, 2012 / 5:02 PM

    That was hard. I had to play by process of elimination … and in my mind found a place in my home for each one of those lovely specimens. All but one, I would NEVER allow in the door.

  2. August 23, 2012 / 5:14 PM

    While the are all truly horrible lamps, most of the other semi finalist lamps look like they were photographed in a thrift store and didn’t have to be “lived” with – for YEARS! The life sized lovers are truly life sized standing around 5 feet tall plus the shade making it around 6 feet tall. NO WAY to ever hide that “gift’ from my mother-in-law who expected me to prominently display it. To keep peace in the family I kept it in my guest room. Guests never stayed for very long!

  3. August 23, 2012 / 5:47 PM

    Can’t say I’ve ever giggled so much while reading a post. I cast (well, I’ll be.. ‘casted’ isn’t a real word?) my vote. It’s either the life-sized lovers lamp, OR the MIL. lol

  4. August 23, 2012 / 6:02 PM

    The glory of a win will overcome the knowledge that my mother-in-law hated me!
    P.S. I will donate the Target gift card to an elementary school in my neighborhood. I hope this never has to happen to anybody else!

  5. August 23, 2012 / 6:29 PM

    That was so much fun! I thought that I had an ugly lamp, but the one that I was thinking about looks might pretty after those. LOL

    Keep up the good work, your blog is fantastic. Connie:)

  6. August 23, 2012 / 8:06 PM

    Is it bad that I want Mr. Kitty?

  7. August 23, 2012 / 8:07 PM

    hahaha! so much fun with this series as always Lindsey!!!! this time was soooo difficult between the lovely lacy,numbskull and the fist!!! this race is tight, tight, but I guess anything with that grotesque skull with fangs for that matter – is just not do-able in any room or any home!

  8. August 23, 2012 / 8:43 PM

    Is the whittled fist missing a finger?

  9. August 23, 2012 / 8:44 PM

    I think SayrahK should get some sort of special recognition for having lived with the life sized lovers. She has to love her husband A LOT to have allowed her MIL to bully her into keeping the lamp.
    Why didn’t something “happen” to the lamp; you could have tied a steak to it and invited the neighborhood dogs in…just sayin’

  10. August 23, 2012 / 8:52 PM

    Your write-ups make these babies even funnier. Thanks for the entertainment, and may the best lamp win. I mean, the worst lamp.

  11. Marty
    August 23, 2012 / 9:00 PM

    No lrib here, #4! Still loving that cat lamp!

  12. August 23, 2012 / 9:04 PM

    Actually skulls are so IN right now that if you spray painted it black it might look awesome in a teen boys room.

    The others are all horrible!!!!

  13. August 23, 2012 / 9:08 PM

    SayrahK I agree with suzieQ, you should have done to that awful lamp what the mother did to the leg lamp in “Christmas Story.” I must give you credit for keeping it in your house at all. Myself I would have found a spot for it right next to the dumpster!

  14. August 23, 2012 / 9:23 PM

    I always kept a sense of humor about the awesomely awful lamp from my MIL. After she died, I gave it as a white elephant gift during a girlfriends weekend. It gave us all a great laugh and is legendary as the best bad gift ever! The “friend” who got the lamp refused to take it so I ended up bringing it back home. I took it over to my sister-in-laws house (it’s her mom) and put it in her storage shed, where it probably still resides!

  15. Anonymous
    August 23, 2012 / 9:45 PM

    They are all useable with some modification or for certain holidays except one…the creepy doll. no bueno for any situation…looks like she comes alive at night

  16. August 23, 2012 / 11:01 PM

    I had TWO of those lacy doll lamps in my little girl bedroom right around 1959-60. My doll’s dresses were “orchid”…as was most of my room.

    I think my mom was a bit of a decorating rebel and was going for something besides little girl pink.

    My dad was a construction worker in downtown Chicago in the 50’s and I remember him coming home with these 2 doll lamps one evening–I think they might have “fallen off a truck” if you know what I mean.

    At any rate my five year old self thought they were very elegant, I’ll have you know. 🙂

  17. August 24, 2012 / 12:15 AM

    This is the first time that I noticed that lLife Size Lover Boy is grabbing at Life Size Lover Girl’s skirt! Holy guacamole, what’s that all about? I was going to say that without the lampshade that maybe it could go in a garden, until I realized that it was life size!

  18. August 24, 2012 / 12:53 AM

    There have been some serious ugly lamps this year. It was much harder to determine my least favorite! I am glad you have made this a recurrent event. It’s fun!!!

  19. August 24, 2012 / 1:07 AM

    I dont think you should allow entries of lamps that people took pictures of at thrift shops. All entries should be lamps actually owned by somebody!

  20. August 24, 2012 / 1:30 AM

    I have to say, as hideous as all the lamps have been, what I have enjoyed the most is your commentary of them. I have sat here just giggling!

  21. stephbo93
    August 24, 2012 / 1:42 AM

    Sayrah makes an excellent point–having to live with the lamp does up the ante quite a bit. I sent my MiL the link (She is known for her ugly lamps, which are actually quite tasteful compared to these doozies) and threatened that if she ever tries what Sayrah’s MiL did, I’m never speaking to her again.

  22. August 24, 2012 / 2:31 AM

    I think the fist actually has all the fingers (I mean, if you count knuckles, they are all there), it’s just a tight fist and the first finger is covered by the thumb. Or its creator started at the pinky and worked his way over, but when he couldn’t get the pointer finger right, he just decided to cover it with the thumb.

  23. August 24, 2012 / 2:31 AM

    I think the fist actually has all the fingers (I mean, if you count knuckles, they are all there), it’s just a tight fist and the first finger is covered by the thumb. Or its creator started at the pinky and worked his way over, but when he couldn’t get the pointer finger right, he just decided to cover it with the thumb.

  24. August 24, 2012 / 2:59 AM

    First I must tell you I have no sense of humor.

    But I have laughed my butt off at these lamps, the write ups and all of the comments.

    Thanks for a good few nights of needed laughs.

  25. Kendiara
    August 24, 2012 / 5:09 AM

    Its kinda sad but I actually want the demon lamp…

  26. sara potter
    August 24, 2012 / 7:19 PM

    i think the person who sent in the demon lamp is having folks vote for it because to me it just looks like some crazy lamp a teenager would be into. the other ones are terrible. that one i could actually see someone wanting. a kid. in a bedroom.

  27. Anonymous
    August 24, 2012 / 8:11 PM

    At least with the life size lamp, it can be stripped of lamp shade and electrical components, repainted and put in the garden. The lacy lady got my vote as ugliest lamp since she looks like the Bride of Chucky!
    I thought my lamp made of popsicle sticks and marbles, by a friend, was ugly (still is)….but woooaaa!

  28. susan
    August 24, 2012 / 9:16 PM

    umm.. yeah, i agree with the lady who said the skull lamp people are voting for themselves. theres no way that its that much worse than the other lamps. i would had to vote for the lifesize couple… and yes you could put it in a garden, but… i guess its the story that they were obligated to keep and display it.. like another person said most of the lamps do look like they are on a thrift store shelf.

  29. August 27, 2012 / 4:30 PM

    SayrahK my fist lamp was actually found in my grandmothers basement. I believe one of my uncles made it for her, such a lovely gift right???

    No it doesn’t currently have a place in our home but I image it will someday – its an interesting piece.

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