Better Before! Volume I

Did you think I forgot? No, I’m just profoundly lazy. But here it is! Our first ever edition of Better Before! Get excited!

Allison fell in love with this cool little acorn wreath. “How hard could THAT be?” she thought. And, bonus, living in Texas, she had acorns coming out of the wazoo. (Ew, not literally).

 
Cute! 
So she paid the kids to gather acorns and then she says, “I glued, and glued, and glued. And then I glued some more. Next time, {there won’t be a next time!} I’ll use a wreath that isn’t the size of an 18-wheeler tire. And, though I didn’t know it at the time, I was making Mistake #1. The hugest mistake of the project. Hot glue likes to just pop right off of plastic wrap.”

And it weighed about 30 lbs. Seriously, this thing was like a freaking cinder block on a ribbon. The ribbon looks horrible with the wreath. I should be shot for that one.”

 
uh … cute? 
So she removed the offensive ribbon and spray painted the whole thing yellow and things were looking good. But then … she reports, “I got lazy.”

“I could have taken the 20 steps to the garage to get the staple gun, but nope. The paper stapler was right there. “I’ll just put 4-5 staples into the ribbon and wall. That should secure it just.fine.”

 

 

RIP!

Even though this one couldn’t be saved, it still taught us some valuable lessons. What we have learned: 

#1 Hot glue and plastic wrap will fight to the death.
 #2. When we compare things to cinder blocks, we should not then decide to secure them to the wall with an office stapler in the next breath. 
 You can read more about this fantastic failure on Allison’s blog House of Hepworth’s. Luckily Allison has about a bazillion successful projects under her belt to keep her from getting too depressed about the wreath that wasn’t. 
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Next is a simple little project from Amanda. She’s been slowly updating her kitchen in bits and pieces, since a full blown remodel wasn’t in the budget. When she replaced her dated handles, she figured she might as well reverse the direction of the cabinet by the oven while she was at it, and make it more functional. Or totally nonfunctional…
 

 


That’s the one.
 

Before…
 
Dammit.


Lesson learned: Measure twice. Drill once. And get some wood putty just in case.
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And finally, this one didn’t come with a before picture, as it was spotted on an online classified listing by Marci. But use your imagination.

From the ad: This is a really cool colorful antique armoire/drawers/mirror combo that would look great in any room! I bought it on the east coast years ago and it has been in bedrooms and living rooms and it always gets a lot of attention!

Hmmm, did that “attention” go something like this?

“Your armoire is really … uh … neat.” “Yeah, it’s … um … so unique.”

Or, “How sweet! Your kids did a great job on this! Did they let the dog help too?”

Or, “I never would have thought to combine electric blue, neon green, purple, teal, red and orange in one piece, but you pulled it off!
*cough*kinda*cough*sorta*cough*a little bit*cough*not really.

I can see this with my eyes closed.
Lesson learned: your friends are just being nice, repaint that shiz.
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Well, that’s it for now! Thank you so much for sharing ladies! It’s nice to remember that not every project is perfect, and nope, neither are we.

If you have ever brought about a furniture fiasco, a crafting catastrophe, or any sort of spectacular design disaster, send your pics and your story my way! BetterAfter@live.com, subject line: Better Before!


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Comments

  1. These are funny! They make me remember all of my items I’ve just thrown away. I’m excited for more Better Befores!

  2. holy damn. I’m sorry for all the wonky returns! Blogger is so freaking annoying, I’ve messed with this for an hour and it’s still throwing half a million returns in between each line! Blergh!

  3. Love it, too funny! Don’t worry about the wonky returns, happens to me EVERY POST. Grrr.

  4. Hilarious!

  5. These make me feel better about some of my mistakes. That last one – – – the paint job – – – surely they weren’t serious?!!
    That looks like my kitchen – – – we have to open the oven to be able to open the drawer. Our pet food dishes are even in the same place!
    Bummer on the wreath – – – and she spent so much time on it.

  6. “Better Before” is the DIY version of Cake Wrecks. Love it. Please make it a regular feature.

    http://jenniferhuerta.blogspot.com

  7. This series is great! Just read it to my husband and he is cracking up!!

  8. This is too funny! I love this idea, Lindsey! It keeps everything real.. Anyway, I admire your blog very much and have an award for you. I don’t know if you’d have the time but do drop by craftrooms.blogspot.com if you can to claim it.. :) My blog is inspired by yours.. :) Thanks for the inspiration!

  9. I am still literally laughing out loud thinking about that cabinet door! Bahahahaha! I feel kinda sad about the wreath. And the “armoire”? It would be a really bad idea to look at that whilst I was drunk. I’d feel like I was in cartoon land or somethin’. The amount of uglies people are trying to get money for on ebay etc is endless. I have to show these to my husband!

  10. I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog! I always get a good laugh from your introductions… they are so much fun to read! Thanks for keeping it real!

  11. Hi, Lindsey! Thanks for dropping by my blog. I totally forgot to post the award button. haha So it’s up now if you’re free. So sorry. But thanks so much for taking the time.. :)

    Rochelle

  12. Better Before segment is great! I can relate to the kitchen one. Found out after installing new dishwasher that door couldn’t open all the way because it was hitting drawer handle. D’oh!

  13. We installed the same kind of badly positioned knob in the bathroom of our honeymoon cottage (“the divorce box”) years ago. It interfered with the door swing and trapped us in the bathroom! Since then, each of us will remember to ask “the doorknob question” — meaning, “is that where this stupid thing should go?” — before drilling a hole or hammering a nail. Best wishes.

  14. What an excellent post! Makes me feel better for all of my bad ideas..lol…and no, I don’t have any pictures! :)

  15. This was hilarious!! I’m still gasping over the armoire! Who does that???

  16. Love this idea! a very fun divergence from all the perfect makeovers.

  17. OMG…is it wrong if we laugh at these!!! I’m going to love this addition to your fab blog :)

  18. Love it. ‘paint that shiz!’ gave me a laugh this morning. For an encore, post items that should not have seen the inside of your car. I just pulled a desk out of the garage that is BEYOND repair and needs to be shot. I don’t know what I was thinking; except that it was $2.00! What a deal! Not. It was $2 for a reason, they didn’t want to haul it to the dump themselves! ~Amy

  19. Okay, I am HEEHAWING! Thank you for the laughs!!!

  20. OH MY GOODNESS! So funny. (“Repaint that shiz” – I die!)

  21. you are too funny…really made me laugh out loud

    :)

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