Read this to yourself in a melodramatic infomercial announcer voice:
“Do you like the look of lacy doilies, but hate the MESS?”
Picture an easily confused woman struggling to keep a doily on her table. It bunches up, it falls off. She just can’t keep the darn thing straight. She rolls her eyes to the heavens and blows hair out of her face in exasperation. Picture this in black and white for full dramatic effect.
“Well, what if I told you you could enjoy the beauty and extravagance of a doily covered table without all the WORRY?”
Woman nods enthusiastically.
“All you have to do is visit Vicky at Rescued and Rehabbed to make your lace-covered table dreams a reality! This offer is only available for a limited time, hurry now!”